It feels very weird to be wearing pants right now. This past weekend, my roommate was out of town, so I decided to enjoy control of the apartment by spending most of those 72 hours with no clothing or human contact. The result was a surprisingly therapeutic weekend and an experience that all of you should try.
First of all, being a naked recluse is incredibly practical. I love my friends, but they're gasoline on the fire of my procrastination. Last semester, I hung out with them for four months and ended up having to pull back-to-back all-nighters during finals. In one weekend without them, I managed to complete five days worth of schoolwork, watch nine movies and read half a novel.
And let's not ignore the financial benefits of nudity. We live in Wisconsin, so no matter what happens, we're going to pay exorbitant fees for heat, right? But the difference between how much you spend on heat with clothes on and how much you spend naked is less than the amount of money a sanitary person spends on laundry. Are your student loans piling up? Stop wearing clothes on weekends. You could save up to a dollar per weekend.
But the best part of a weekend of naked solitude is that it gives you a little perspective. Try asking yourself some of life's most difficult questions. The answers become much more simple. What do you really want out of life? More reliable shades on the windows. What's your biggest fear in life? A radiator stuck on high and a vinyl couch. Are you too picky when it comes to dating? No. If you're uninhibited enough to spend a weekend naked, you clearly shouldn't have to settle.
Of course, there are some downsides to this lifestyle. Extended nudity can make it difficult to readjust to clothing. On one #of my few clothed excursions, I found myself at the Plaza, struggling in my attempts to talk to women. People always say that women like confident men, but nobody ever warns you how unconfident you can get when you're uncomfortable in your own underwear.
Even worse is how your social skills can deteriorate when you watch movies instead of actually talking to people. By the time I left my apartment, I sounded like some combination of Cary Grant and the Iron Giant. And when my brother called me while I was watching \Dog Day Afternoon,"" he was caught off guard when I answered the phone by shouting, ""If you come any closer, I'm going to start throwing dead bodies out the front door!""
But even if your social skills get damaged, it's a worthwhile experience to live in naked solitude for a couple of days. And there's more to it than just saving laundry money and getting work done. It can help you take pride in your birthmarks and in the scars you still have from falling off your first bike. It can help you appreciate the gentle aesthetic of living alone without making you sacrifice your roommates. And if you rent ""Species,"" it can make you feel like you and Natasha Henstridge are in your own little naked club. Someday, when the opportunity strikes again, I'll once again enjoy some naked alone-time. I hope you will try the same.
But for now, I have to get re-acclimated to pants in time for my comm arts lecture.
Amos is in his fourth year out of five. He can be reached at amosap@hotmail.com. His column runs every Wednesday in The Daily Cardinal.
