In one scene of \The Cat in the Hat,"" Alec Baldwin shouts about how he cannot believe a dog ""whizzed"" on his taco. This same outrage and disbelief is exactly what will be felt by anyone who was raised on Dr. Seuss' magical books who goes to see the movie. The movie's creators have whizzed on the taco of our childhood and no amount of money or star power can undo this terrible crime.
The movie is a loose adaptation of Seuss' classic book. Like the book, the movie focuses on two children, played here by Dakota Fanning (""Uptown Girls"") and Spencer Breslin (""The Santa Clause 2""), who are rescued from rainy day boredom by a cat (Mike Myers) with magical abilities for mischief. Added is the storyline of the children's busy working mother (Kelly Preston) and her sleazy boyfriend (Alec Baldwin), who urges her to send the misbehaving son to military school.
Blame must first go to rookie director Bo Welch. The scenery is colorful, but gone is the mystical joy and wonder that comes from all of the book's illustrations. Much of the book's basic plot points are included, but the story's spirit is lost in a sea of gags, filler and special effects. Welch demonstrates no sense of comedic timing and it takes 25 minutes for the movie to even get to the rainy day that starts the book.
Much of this can also be blamed on the writing. The huge additions to the story are unfunny and wildly inappropriate to the original story's intent and audience. Jokes about farting and vomit litter the script. Worst of all is the treatment of the children, who in the movie seem designed to be as unlikable as possible. The boy is an exaggerated Bart Simpson-type and the girl is a control freak who carries a palm pilot and talks about her lack of spontaneity. This mean-spirited and hackneyed treatment of the story's characters is an insult to Dr. Seuss.
But perhaps the biggest shame belongs to Myers. He trades in all the magic of the cat for an hour-long forum for his tired old shtick. Myers' portrayal of the cat is creepy, stupid, vulgar and exasperatingly self-indulgent. This performance seals Myers' position as a worn-out comic on the decline. Myers has become the comedic equivalent of a belligerent drunk in a bar. He has had a few too many and it is time for the bartender to call him a cab before he does anymore damage.
Sadly, there was already too much damage here for Myers or anyone else to undo. Baldwin is always a blast to see in comedic roles and Sean Hayes demonstrated that he could do great voice work for strongly animated characters. But too many basic sensibilities were violated in ""Cat in the Hat."" Children's movies should be made with heartfelt stories and innocent comedy, not with ""Dragnet"" and Paris Hilton references. ""The Cat in the Hat"" is an unmitigated outrage. See ""Elf"" instead.
