Talking sports is practically an American pastime. Regardless of how useful it is to our daily lives, most would prefer to forgo a conversation regarding peasant life in the 19th century in favor of one that tries to decide whether Danny Wuerrfel or Andre Ware was the bigger Heisman bust.
Like most things in life, however, there is a negative to all the sports talk. I am referring to the ever-present poser who lives only to interject into sports conversations and subsequently ruin them.
There are three main types of posers that come up in sports conversations, some worse than others.
First you have the ignorant \I want to be in the know"" poser. This is the guy or girl who will simply observe anything they hear and mimic it:
You: ""I've been really impressed with the Red Wings. Sergei Fedorov and Brendan Shanahan look like they can lead them to another Cup.""
Poser: ""The best thing about Detroit is Fedorov and Shanahan, yeah.""
Though this can oftentimes be annoying, one has to take pity because at least the person is trying to understand. Also, at the end of the day you can always take solace that both you and the poser are aware of who knows more.
The second type is a bit worse, but still bearable. This is the poser who will simply memorize stats in an attempt to offset their obvious lack of knowledge about the game. This can result in arguments dragged out over entire days due to the fact that ESPN.com consultation is required before the pretender makes his rebuttal:
Poser: ""Did anyone see the basketball games this weekend? Ricky Davis' 20.6 points per game average and his 37 percent shooting from the three-point line are unstoppable!""
You: ""But the Cavs are 15-61.""
Now comes the third, and absolute worst, type. The poser I'm talking about is the one who believes that he/she is the next Sportscenter analyst. They will ruin a sports conversation with theories and recommendations that make the Cincinnati Bengals draft strategy look intelligent.
Poser: The Lions just need to trade for Ricky Williams and Michael Vick and they're Super Bowl champs! Beyond that, if Texas can get Priest Holmes and Quentin Jammer back from the NFL, they're gonna win the Sugar Bowl.
You: [shocked silence]
Yes, it sounds ridiculous, but don't laugh, it happens daily. The writings in the stalls of any of UW's fine bathrooms will make for better sports debating than a conversation with one of these opinionated people. With the NBA and NHL playoffs starting, be especially wary of these types.
Next time you're debating something, like whether or not all football players should wear dark visors on their helmets, welcome everyone to join in. Just watch out for the posers.
Greg Porter is a sophomore majoring in both history and Russian. Tell him about posers ruining your day at gjporter@wisc.edu.
