Every genius steals ideas from other people, myself included. But this week my idea-stealing plan didn't work out so well.
Maybe everyone is actually stupid, myself included. Either way, here's a record of my thwarted attempts of mooching off other's cleverness. Names have been changed and conversations altered, since I can.
Me: Hey, got any rad ideas for my column this week?
Cameron: Write about celebrity worship.
Me: I don't know what to say about that.
Cameron: Or just write about the whole getting on TV and achieving your 15 minutes of fame thing, like Anna Nicole and the Osbourne's. You could conduct social experiments.
Me: By tomorrow?
Cameron: You're such a slacker. Write about that.
Me: Okay.
Cameron: You won't.
Me: True story.
Here's another case.
Me: What should I write about this week?
Chauncy: How it would be great if it were fall all the time.
Me: Perhaps...
Chauncy: Or, write about how being a cowboy ninja astronaut would be the greatest career ever.
Me: Why is everyone so obsessed with ninjas?
Chauncy: Because they have real ultimate power?
Me: That Web site was so last year.
Chauncy: Write about Bruce Campbell.
Me: Who?
Sheesh, didn't he read the column where I explained that I'm not cool and know nothing about pop culture? Maybe this is just an uncreative week for everyone. Let's think. Past suggestions from friends:
\You should write about me!""
""You should write about those people who wear high heels around campus and you hear them go 'clip-clop' behind you and you don't know if they're gaining on you so they can try and attack you with their heel so you have to walk out of your way just to get away from them.""
""You should write about how funner should be a word.""
All right. I am getting nowhere with this. But I am willing to explore it further.
Mavis: Write about how Ben Folds is cool.
Me: I could write about that. But I'm indifferent to Ben Folds.
Mavis: FINE! Write about procrastination.
Me: Hmm ... no. All of your ideas suck. I'm going to write a column about how badly you suck.
Liam: Write about soda and its various incarnations, including generic brands.
Me: You mean POP??
Liam: SODA!
Me: POP!
Liam: Whatever. Write about how you have narcolepsy.
Me: Right, because I have narcolepsy.
My Mom (on the phone): Your father is setting the smoke detector off with the television remote control. You should write about that for your next column!
Me: Um, sure Mom, I'll think about it.
Write 500 words about smoke detectors and remote controls? I won't say it can't be done, but I'm not gonna be the one to do it. These foolish humans are giving me no good ideas!
Lola: So, did you think of anything to write about yet?
Me: Nah, but I'm sure I'll think of something.
