The football team is playing down in that bastard state of Indiana this weekend, which leaves many of you readers out there wondering, \Gee, what can I do with my weekend?"" Swell guy that I am, I have devised several plans of action for the gentle college-aged reader to follow.
First and foremost, please refrain from showing up at Camp Randall's parking lot Saturday morning full of yourself for getting such a ""kick ass"" parking spot for tail-gating. As I mentioned in my first paragraph, the Badgers are playing in Bloomington, Ind., smart guy.
Instead, go back home and drink that case of Huber Bock you had bought for the game at your house with your roommates. The Wisconsin game will be on television on ESPN Regional and yes, the idiots that announce all ESPN regional games will be there. Sit down on the couch or La-Z-Boy or fruit crate if that's all you got. Watch the Badgers start beating up on the Hoosiers.
Then, change the channel to the University of Miami vs. Florida State game. I'm not sure what channel this game is on, but I bet it will be a good game at least that's what http://www.ESPN.com told me to tell you. Me? I don't care too much for either program or either coach. Florida State's Head Coach Bobby Bowden strikes me as a real prick, and I mean that. Seriously, this guy would run up the score on his dead grandmother's grave if she had a team to coach.
Bowden is a bad man who charms the media with his ""Awww shucks... I'm just a Southern good ol' boy. Scuse me while I spit into this here spitoon."" If the devil had a football team, Bobby Bowden would coach it. He's no Joe Paterno and I really hope JoPa keeps winning and Bowden keeps losing so Paterno will keep the all-time wins record. For those of you not in the know, Bowden is nipping at Joe Paterno's heels at who will hold onto the all-time wins record.
Lest the gentle reader think I am verbally abusing only Bobby Bowden, I will turn my scapel of venom and criticism towards Miami's Head Coach Larry Coker.
Now, if I despise Bobby Bowden, then I sort of comically dislike/fear Larry Coker. I'm sure that he's a perfectly good guy to have around the house. ""Larry, the toilet is running again."" ""Ok, let me finish off the tile and I'll look at it.""
It's just that he looks like a damn zombie. Maybe it's just because I only ever see him during the month of October ... when you know dead people come to life to haunt people who don't give kids candy. But Larry Coker definitely has a strong resemblance to a zombie. Watch him along the sidelines this weekend and tell me he doesn't look like a zombie to you. Enjoy the weekend off, Badger fans, have a ""spooktacular"" time watching Miami vs. Florida State and get ready for Ohio State coming to Camp Randall next weekend. Whoopty Whoop!
