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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Tuesday, May 14, 2024

Could your best friend be homosexual?

Since I make it a policy to come out when I teach, many of my students have approached me over the last few years with questions about gays, lesbians and bisexuals. 

 

 

 

I welcome this, as I'm always overjoyed to be able to educate those around me about the colorful history and culture of my people. 

 

 

 

One question I'm sometimes asked is, \Jessica, how can I tell if one of my friends is gay?"" While that is a very good question, a better question would actually be, ""Jessica, how can I tell if I myself am gay?"" After all, the first step in the coming out process is coming out to yourself. And since this week happens to be National Coming Out Week, I'd like to dedicate this column to little known facts about gay people. See if anything on this list could apply to you! 

 

 

 

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No. 1: Gay men tend to be attracted to male-only groups and activities'sports teams, fraternities, the Navy SEALS, Congress... After all, what better way to meet men than spending your time in an organization that excludes women? Ladies, you might find yourself joining a local sorority or cheerleading squad or perhaps attending Mary Kay parties in the hopes of running into cute, eligible girls. 

 

 

 

No. 2: Closeted gays, regrettably, waste a lot of time and energy trying to convince the people around them that they are straight. They might make a lot of jokes about ""fags"" or ""lezzies,"" and look visibly uncomfortable during episodes of ""Will and Grace."" Sadly, some of these people are so alienated from their true feelings that they'll even refuse to hug or touch their same-sex friends. Many closeted gay men will insist on leaving a seat in between themselves and other men when they visit a movie theater. If you know someone like this, the best thing you can do for them is to help them break through their denial and take pride in who they are. Plan an intervention. Get your friends together and sit that person down. Then embrace them and say, ""We love you, you big, beautiful gay man...You strong, gorgeous lesbian. We love you!"" They'll come around.  

 

 

 

No. 3: Gay men are great admirers of the male form. For this reason they flock to sporting events that showcase handsome, physically fit young men clad in tight pants wrestling and piling on top of each other. The homosexual subculture calls this ""football.""  

 

 

 

No. 4: One belief that many people in the United States have is that gays are more attractive and stylish than other people. Although there are exceptions to almost everything, this is generally true. If you're really hot you're probably gay. 

 

 

 

No. 5: Out gays, lesbians or bisexuals tend to vote for the Green or Democratic parties. Closeted gays vote Republican. Thankfully, to our knowledge, no gay person has ever voted for Ross Perot or Jesse Ventura. 

 

 

 

Well? Was any of that helpful? I certainly hope so. And remember, if you're part of our diverse and wonderful queer community, there's no better time to celebrate that than right now. 

 

 

 

Happy Coming Out Week! 

 

 

 

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