The Big Ten season officially started last week but considering that I don't know how to tell time, let alone dates, I saved my Big Ten conference football preview for this week. There are a lot of strong teams in the Big Ten this year and there are some not-so-strong teams in the conference as well. Hopefully this piece will serve as a \highly accurate"" and ""informative"" guideline for all of you gamblers out there dying to know who to lay the high stakes on. Notably absent from this list are both Minnesota and Purdue. I just don't care about those two.
This school in Evanston, Ill., brags about its high fallootin' academic prowess, not football prowess. The ""Mildcats"" (get it?) won't be winning many games in conference play this year and had it not been for a ridiculously easy pre-season schedule, including games against such powerhouses as Duke and Navy, Northwestern could be winless right now.
Verdict: Hey, remember back when we went to that Rose Bowl that one time?
Only a year removed from winning the Big Ten outright and appearing in a BCS bowl, the Fightin' Illini are lucky that they are in the same conference as Northwestern. This team sucks, and as far as I can tell, there is no fight or Illini on this squad. Already this year, Illinois has lost to San Jose State, Missouri and Southern Mississippi.
Verdict: Winning Big Ten titles is so 2001.
Sigh... I hate this state and it's not just because the Hoosiers came into Camp Randall and put a whooping on Wendell Bryant and the gang last year. No, I hate this damn state because it's the only state worse than my home state of Ohio and I have to drive through this piece of asphalt every time I want to go to Madison.
Verdict: Lauvray's bitterness aside, Indiana is still really, really bad at football.
Always a dangerous team, Michigan State, after losing to California one week, came back strong to lose to Notre Dame the next. Nicknamed after the Spartans for their fierce and warlike tendencies, the East Lansing college shares another trait with the ancient race of warriors. Neither have been contenders since the 4th century B.C.
Verdict: Stop feeling sorry for yourself. A lot of people have bigger, more important siblings; yours just happens to be the University of Michigan.
Hmm... they do have a very good running back and a very good quarterback... my only concern is that there might not be enough sheep and corn cobs to go around.
Verdict: They'll win more than they lose but they still would rather sleep with livestock than the farmer's daughter.
Joe Paterno is a fun-lovin', hard-drinkin' head coach who can probably still beat all of his players in an Indian wrestling match.
Verdict: They got robbed against Iowa last week and will maybe win the Big Ten.
Plain and simple, the Badgers are not good enough. They are lucky to be 5-0 and will probably go to the Outback Bowl. The real concern is what happens when that really cool ""motion W"" goes out of style. Oh, wait'it already did.
Verdict: Two more wins to a bowl game, just keep telling yourselves that.
The kids who try too hard to look cool own an ""M"" hat with a swoosh on it. The Wolverines are not that good for once, and if the Badgers were playing them at Camp Randall, UW might actually beat them.
Verdict: Hail to victors? Try hail to the losers.
They have a very good running back, a strong defense and new renovations at Ohio Stadium including snipers strategically placed to ""terminate with extreme prejudice"" any team that takes the lead.
Verdict: Somehow they won't win the Big Ten.
