Hey kids, be careful today. It's Friday the 13th, and scary things could happen. Zombies and wolves may stalk you on your way home. Or the freshmen might actually figure out where they're going.
If you're like me, you're probably not the least bit fazed by this fateful Friday. Being superior to many allows me to chortle at those who may be afraid of such foolishness like the number 13. Who I am kidding? I have fears, ranging from understandable to fairly irrational. Here they are, in convenient list form.
Every semester, I walk into the bookstore with a smidgen of hopeful confidence, only to run out screaming. OK, so that's an exaggeration. But still ... I wince in pain when my professor tells me I need to buy six books, a course reader and another \highly recommended"" book.
Then I trudge to whichever (evil) bookstore has the books and stare at the shelf in horror for a few minutes. After this, I buy exactly one of the books, tricking myself to believe that if I only buy one book at a time it will somehow lessen the burden on my checking account.
File these guys under ""products I will never fully understand."" Why on earth would I want to stick some weird piece of paper on my tongue so it can dissolve, thus making my breath smell fresh? The thought of it petrifies me so much that I refuse to even try them. If you wanted to torture me, you could chase me around, brandishing a Listerine strip in your hands while threatening to force it on my tongue.
The only food product that has good reason to be blue is the blueberry. Any other item that is to be ingested and is blue should be examined very carefully, as evil spies may have crafted it. Some candy products such as blue Skittles or crescent moon Lucky Charms pass the test. But a cola that looks like windshield wiper fluid does not. Needless to say, the idea of drinking windshield wiper fluid evilly disguised as soda does not appeal to me.
Being a business major is one of my worst nightmares, so I can't say I've been to Grainger all that much. But when I have, it has scared the crap out of me. First, the building is way too nice. Aren't college buildings supposed to be old, ugly slabs of cement? Second, almost everyone around me was dressed all fancy-like. Suits, jackets, and worst of all... pumps? Meanwhile, I pledge allegiance to my sneakers.
Last, there were a lot of digital clocks proclaiming the time in different cities all over the world. For some reason, those clocks were the icing on the cake that proclaimed, ""You do not belong here.""
This is by no means a finite list. I didn't get to many of my other fears, such as green ketchup, moths, foam soap, people touching my kneecaps and getting old.
So, on this Friday the 13th, I encourage you all to face your fears. Or you could follow my lead and just write a column about it.
wisc.edu"">eaedwardson@students.wisc.edu
