My mother tried to set me up with some girl while I was home for Christmas. The phone conversation in early November that precipitated this went something like the following:
\Heelllooo, darling. It's mom. I'm just calling to tell you that I need to know what day you're flying home for Christmas so I can come pick you up at the airport. Oh, which reminds me! I ran into Karen the other day, you remember Karen? Cute? Works as a computer programmer? About your age? She's Deb's roommate??well, Deb's platonic roommate. I just happen to know Karen's single. Anyway, I mentioned to her that you'd be home for a few weeks at Christmas, because I just thought the two of you might want to?? hang out or something. I really think the two of you would hit it off and be friends or?? well, who knows? It's not like the two of you need to elope or anything buuutttt?? I just thought?? OK, look, Karen's really sweet. Personally, I think she'd make a great daughter-in-law and you'd have a lot more fun spending time with her than you would sitting around your room all day like last year re-reading 'Harry Potter.'""
From talking to my straight female friends, I know that at a certain age'usually the mid-to-late twenties'when most moms stop worrying about protecting their daughters' adolescent chastity and, instead, switch their focus to aggressively pimping them out.
My friends suffer through arranged dates with the sons of colleagues or listen to lectures about how nice they'd look with blond highlights, with contacts instead of glasses; how cute they'd be if they lost just a few pounds; how very flattering a tighter shirt or shorter skirt would be?? if only they'd try looking pretty for once instead of slumping around in baggy jeans and a sweatshirt, but fine, don't get married or have kids. Spend your life alone, see if I care. My friend Jennifer still talks about a god-awful shopping trip in which her mother kept pushing her into dressing rooms with handfuls of halter tops hissing ""Darling you've got such a lovely bustline; Men LIKE large breasts. I don't know why you insist on covering it all up with those turtlenecks.""
What most of the people I know find shocking is that my mother does the same thing with me, despite the fact that, though I identify myself as bisexual, the majority of my relationships have been with women. I think a lot of people assume the experience of coming out to your family will necessarily be traumatic and painful and that your relationship with your parents will remain strained by the fact of your sexual orientation for the rest of your lives together. Indeed, some LGBT (that's a carpel tunnel saving shorthand for lesbiangaybisexualandtransgender) people do end up becoming estranged from their families after divulging their sexuality, but the reality for most of us is quite different.
True, my mom is more progressive than most, and the majority of my gay friends have yet to endure a same-sex date arranged by mom or dad. However, many LGBT people find that, over time, their families will not only accept the fact of their sexual orientation but become truly comfortable with it. Parents can and do celebrate the long-term relationships of their gay children and come to regard the partners of those children as members of the family in the same way that they accept new daughters- and sons-in-law. LGBT people will also often find, fortunately or unfortunately, that their parents still want for them the same things they want for their straight siblings'to meet someone, settle down, and, of course, to have kids. 'Cause after all, darling, no one wants to spend their life alone ??And it's not like you're getting any younger.'
