So what would you do if you found out the person you were dating had herpes?\ I asked my students this question a few months ago. We were having a discussion on sexually transmitted diseases, and, on this topic, they were not particularly forgiving. Inevitably someone raised their hand and said they'd end the relationship.
""Really?"" I asked ""Just over that? Okay then, what about the rest of you? How many of you would seriously consider breaking up with someone if you found out they had an STD like herpes?"" Most of the hands in the room go up, albeit reluctantly. ""Well, I don't want to end up with herpes,"" they always explain. ""Isn't that supposed to be incurable?""
Indeed it is. Once infected with herpes, you have it for good. Herpes is caused by a virus-actually two viruses, Herpes Simplex (HSV) I and II. The strains are technically different, but both are capable of infecting either the mouth or the genital region. Because they are viruses, they can't be cleared up with antibiotics. There are, however, drugs that can reduce the number of outbreaks a person has.
Most people have oral herpes. Four out of five adults carry one of the strains of the virus in their mouth, and if you've ever had a cold sore you're one of them. In contrast, about one in four adults has a herpes infection on their genitals. In both places the symptoms are the same. Outbreaks are usually characterized by a few mildly irritating sores, sometimes accompanied by a slight ""fluish"" feeling.
What most people don't realize is you can spread HSV even when you aren't having an outbreak. There are about seven days before sores appear during which time the carrier is still contagious, and some people can spread the virus without ever having symptoms at all. Oh, yeah, one last thing. Pay attention to this part, its important. If you have oral herpes, and you have unprotected oral sex with a partner while you are contagious, you can give them genital herpes. It doesn't matter that they got it from your mouth, the symptoms will be identical.
""Okay, so, keeping all of that in mind,"" I continue, ""how many of you would freak out if you learned your partner had oral herpes, or consider breaking up with them?"" The hands creep back down. ""Well, how come?"" I ask. ""It's the same virus in both places, and its just as contagious and incurable. Why the big deal over genital herpes and not cold sores? What's more, how many of you are practicing safer oral sex with condoms or dental dams? Odds are, you're much more likely to catch genital herpes from oral sex than you are intercourse, so why the double standard?""
""Uhhhh,"" one student ventures, ""genital herpes is, like...down there."" Yeah, so? ""And most people aren't educated about STDs,"" says another. ""They don't know what herpes is, they just know they don't want it."" ""Plus, a lot of people are embarrassed about sex so getting a disease from it seems kinda shameful,"" adds a third.
Well...exactly. Fact is, HSV really isn't a big deal. Serious side effects are rare, symptoms are usually mild, and outbreaks can be managed with medication. The real problem is that, for as obsessed as Americans are with sex, we're still pretty uninformed about it too.
What's worse, something that could be a real resource, school sex ed programs, have mostly been co-opted by an agenda aimed at scaring kids away from sex rather than giving them the knowledge they'll need once they finally start having it.
Consequently, a lot of what we learn about STDs is exaggerated to be as terrifying as possible, and the message that comes across is that these diseases are punishments; nothing can be done for you once you have one, and, once diagnosed, your life is basically over. No wonder our reaction when confronted with a partner with a little viral infection is to run screaming.
