Well, Don's at it again. For those of you who don't remember him, my brother John and I have a friend from Green Bay named Don Shadian.
Don is, simply put, unique. Three years ago, he and my brother put on wigs and pink New Kids on the Block jackets and played a 'concert' at our workplace using plastic drums as instruments. The year before he had put on a bicycle helmet and ran around our concession stand in a circle over one thousand times. Don also used to own a green beater of a car that included the number 72 spray painted on both sides, a Wall Drug bumper sticker and a stockpile of helmets, one of which you were required to wear if you were going to ride in the car.
Don no longer owns that car; instead he's now the proud owner of a Wizzer.
Yeah, I had no clue what that was at first either.
A Wizzer is, apparently, a bicycle with a motor on it. Not a moped or a dirt bike'this is simply a bike with a motor strapped to it. You start out by peddling the bike till you reach a fast enough speed for the motor to turn over. After that, you ride the bike like a motorcycle, cruising at speeds up to 45 mph.
Don loves his Wizzer, and despite the fact that he also owns a very nice, fully functional truck, he rides the Wizzer whenever he can. He's actually looking to purchase a second one that he wants to paint and convert to look more like a motorcycle. Why would you need a second motor bike, even if it looked like a motorcycle? I don't know. I don't think anyone but Don does.
And now, like I said earlier, Don's at it again. This week, Don leaves to ride across the country on his Wizzer. If everything goes well, he will be making a round trip between Green Bay and New York City.
It's not the first time that Don has driven across the county. He did it once a few years ago. Of course, that time he was in a car. Granted the car broke down on him several times, and at one point he drove for 37 straight hours without rest, but for some reason I still feel he's safer in a car than on his Wizzer. Why? Oh, how can I put this?
Wizzers aren't made for cross-country travel!
Wizzers have amazing fuel efficiency. According to Don, they get almost 100 miles per gallon of gas. However, also according to Don, his tank is only about eight-tenths of a gallon, and the Wizzer has to undergo an oil change every 200 miles. So before Don even reaches the Wisconsin-Illinois boarder he will have had to stop for gas twice and change his bike's oil. Now imagine the distance to New York.
But Don is excited for this. Quite frankly, it's the dream that has been sustaining him through some tough times lately. He's got people riding behind him in a van, corporate sponsors paying for a lot of the expenses and he's got a helmet. It may look like Darth Vader's helmet, but it is still a helmet.
So Don's going to ride his bike to New York and back again. He's going to make it safe and sound, and I'm going to see him over Thanksgiving. Then we're going to go and do something entertainingly stupid. It can't be any other way.
After all, it's Don.
OUT!
