I was walking down State Street one time with my friend Jack, when he waved at some guy going into the Triangle Market, and said, \'Sup.""
""Who's that?"" I asked.
""Oh, that's the guy that Gina's boning,"" Jack said.
""I didn't know she had a boyfriend.""
Jack stopped and looked at me, puzzled. ""She doesn't, Ang. They're boning.""
I cringed (and not just because he said 'boning'). ""Is he just some strange guy or what?""
""Oh no,"" Jack assured me. ""They're like best friends.""
I see, said the blind woman. Despite my stunned reaction to the situation, I was well acquainted with the idea. I had many friends who'd gone through the friendship line to collect their own benefits package. It's a trip to which I'll admit I'm no stranger. People get lonely. People get horny. And people slip. It happens. I'm not here to condemn anyone.
The rationale behind it goes something like this: ""You and I are good friends, right? And Because of that, I obviously think you're an okay person. You can't be too butt, or I wouldn't hang out with you so much. So let's get it on!""
Now, I consider myself a 21st century kind of woman. I've read Backlash. I know that society paints a picture of women that is none too kind: meek, overly emotional, dictated by hormones. And I know that's all bull. There are plenty of people in this world who can separate sex and love into their own neat little boxes. But from what I've seen, being a 'friend with benefits' comes with its own share of costs. For the record, I'm not talking about one fateful night of passion. I'm talking full-fledged sexual relationship, and I must say, in a lot of ways I just don't get it.
If I like you, admire you as a person, consider you a very good friend, and want to screw you daily, then, sorry to break it to you, I pretty much want to be your girlfriend. I mean, what else is there to relationships? You hang out, you laugh, you cry, you get pissed, you rent a movie, you have sex, and you go to bed. Exactly what about that isn't a relationship?
Some people, however, don't want to ""spoil the friendship."" This is pure and utter horsecrap. Anyone who tells you that they'd prefer to just have sex with you because of the damage it might do to the relationship is trying to get out of telling you that they're not interested. In a relationship, that is.
Okay, okay, sometimes people just want to relieve a little tension, have a little fun, and then go home to their own bed. But once you turn a one-time tryst into an ongoing sexual relationship, the chances go up sharply that attachments will occur, no matter what you do or don't want to happen ""to the relationship."" As one of my students said in section a few weeks ago: ""One of you always falls in love. And when that happens, neither of you will be able to bounce back."" This may not always happen, but it might. And hey, why take that chance?
Because you haven't had sex in months, maybe years. Because you've practically forgotten what it's like. Because it's easier than actually having to fully commit to another person, and because you're both there and willing and you're both adults and can do whatever you want, thank you very much. Alright, I get it.
Of course I must take this opportunity to make a call to arms; ask people to jump outside the box and do something for the benefit of themselves and mankind. Today, I'm asking you to masturbate. Stay with me here. Masturbation is healthy: in men, masturbation is good for the prostate. For women, it can reduce menstrual cramping, and strengthen the pubo-coccygeal, or PC muscles, which can help her during labor and delivery. And it's shown to help the immune system in both sexes. It's good for you.
But it's good for others, too. Through masturbation, you learn what you like and don't like, which can be very helpful when you do have a partner. It's safe as far as diseases are concerned. And if you opt for the self-service station, there's no chance of ""ruining the relationship."" As Woody Allen once said, ""Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."" I mean, hey, you can't ruin the relationship between you and your right hand.
