When I made the r??sum??, I never thought for a moment that I was being dishonest or immoral. Rather, I decided from the start that I was simply being an English major. I was being a creative writer.
To me, the r??sum?? was like a short story where the main character was based on me. It was fiction, but I didn't include anything that I wouldn't be able to discuss in an interview. And then, it landed me an interview.
'So, your r??sum?? says that you were the campus editor for the Daily Herald last year,' the interviewer said. 'Could you expand on that for me'?
I tried not to look startled, but I'd actually forgotten exactly what r??sum?? I'd even submitted. I'd made a bunch of them with different qualifications on each and then sent them with cover letters to a number of different employers.
'Well, I don't know. There isn't a lot to say,' I said. 'I didn't really do a lot down there, and I sort of regret ever taking that job.'
It was the type of response I was planning on using for the entire interview. I'd already landed a better job with one of my other fake r??sum??s, and I'd decided to go to this specific interview just for fun.
'Oh, really'? the interviewer said. 'Well, I'm sure you learned some writing and interviewing skills that would come in handy when working on our newsletter.'
'Um, I don't know. That's pretty doubtful,' I responded. 'I never really wrote anything worthwhile, and I did a lot of plagiarizing.''
I'd managed 'plagiarizing' without a smile or any indication that I was lying, and I was happy. I knew that the one word had eliminated any doubts the interviewer had that I wasn't simply wasting his time. Yet he went on with the interview as though I'd given the same sort of b.s. response he'd been hearing from candidates all day.
'So, could you tell me exactly why you think you are the most suitable person for this job? You know, more than 30 people applied, and you made our cut of seven interviewees.'
'Really'? I said. 'That's great, but I don't even remember applying for this job. I think this is some sort of mistake,' and it was.
I was keeping a straight face, and I didn't think I was lying. I was just playing. I was acting, and I really was the Andrew Miller who had interned at the Minneapolis Star Tribune and wrote for the Daily Herald and belonged to a fictional fraternity straight off Langdon Street. It was all on the r??sum??, and it was me.
I had even shaved my beard and cut my hair for the interview. I'd pulled my old Abercrombie shirt out of the back of my closet, and jelled my hair in an effort to look 'cool.' I'd wanted to look like a stereotypical type, and then I'd wanted to sabotage him.
In the end, though, I don't know if I sabotaged anything other than my own self-respect. Even after convincing myself that I hadn't lied, I couldn't deny it, and I can't handle lying.
I've been lied to too many times, and sometimes I wonder if people don't know that I can tell that they're lying to me. I'm always pretty confident people know when I'm lying, and I don't want do it any more, but I do. I create personas and play them out with strangers, and I consider myself to be fictionalizing. But fiction's a lie, and it's never as good as the real thing. Believe me, I know.
andrewmiller@students.wisc.edu
