Mother Earth says “It’s getting hot in here,” begins to remove clothes
Ancient Greek Mythology states that on the Ides of September, when Hades would throw a raging house party in his deathly domain, the kegs of ambrosia would be tapped, the bouncer would charge one gold piece per cup and the heat would rise as the floor of molten magma filled the chamber with acrid fumes. As legend has it, Mother Earth, more commonly known as Gaia, would disrobe, due to the excessive heat and the rising temperatures.
“Geoscientists stationed at the poles have begun to receive seismic readings indicating large sections of ozone being removed and cast off into space,” a UW scientist stationed at a research outpost in Antarctica said. “The ozone sheets are beginning to resemble large formations of what looks like clothes.”
“You see, here,” he said, gesturing to the radar scanner, “this here is an ozone sheet. As the temperature rises on Earth and Gaia becomes frustrated at its inhabitants not recognizing the blatantly obvious facts, she begins to cast off her clothes. You see, that’s a brassiere.”
“The climate is obviously not changing,” President Trump said, as he gestured to an enormous, mountain-shaped graph indicating astronomically increasing temperatures, rising exponentially since the start of the Industrial Revolution. “These numbers mean nothing, and science is rapidly becoming irrelevant as my illogical ramblings become more relevant.”
Trump then proceeded to remove the climate reading board on the stand, and upturned it, resulting in a modified logarithmic graph. Gasps arose from the reporters.
“The temperature since the start of the Industrial Revolution has approached… what’s that number?” Trump asked.
“Zero,” a reporter in the Press Room said.
“Zero,” Trump said. “The number has been approaching zero.”
“As the legend has it, one of the Titans cast into Tartarus queued a flamin’ track on the DJ deck,” the researcher said. “As the bass built and the track dropped, the entire dance floor went crazy. The ambrosia kegs were flowing freely, and the party reached its peak.
“Gaia is disrobing as a direct result of the temperature on Earth getting hotter and hotter,” the researcher said. “It’s getting hot in here, and she’s taking off all her clothes.”