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Wednesday, April 01, 2026

The Beet

THE BEET

The Enabler

This free-form piece is the debut poetic work of writer and editor Sam Jones. Sam is a sophomore in the Journalism School studying reporting and strategic communication.


THE BEET

Concrete Roses

This powerful prose piece is the debut creative work of writer Kellen Sharp. Kellen is a freshman studying communication arts with hopes of double majoring in journalism.


Pictured here are some of the lesser-scoring results from the Political Science department’s poll on what is causing all misfortune in the world.
THE BEET

New study finds that fracking and immigrants are the reason for everything bad

It’s blatantly obvious that the public education system is built around rationality and prioritization, so it is no shock that a recent study conducted by UW’s Political Science Department was focused around those very topics. The study was sent out to everyone on campus that identified themselves as watching or reading the news at least once a year.


A local newly-superior mallard aspires to be the scourge of humanity.
CAMPUS NEWS

Ducks exploit the fruits of climate change while conspiring to overthrow humanity

With Lake Mendota water levels on the rise, the ducks of Madison are now floating higher than ever: despite the misfortune brought on by the recent algaeplague found in the waters of their summer home, the ducks embrace climate change’s gift of an elevated eye level. Whether they find themselves closer to a concert on the terrace or to the breadcrumbs of an unsuspecting child, it is quite plausible that these waterfowl are gaining a new confidence. 


Linda Johnson anxiously checks her Facebook page for likes and comments from her almost middle-aged female friends.
CAMPUS NEWS

Local Facebook mom goes viral after posting Langdon Bid Day woes

Ah, Bid Day. Hordes of sorority sisters traveling, speaking, singing, and dancing in impenetrable packs: what’s so scary about that?  However, the glory of the over-enthusiastic and estrogen-fueled Bid Day for campus sororities was less than enjoyable for Linda Johnson, a concerned mother, essential oils dealer, organic tomato grower, and avid Facebook user.


THE BEET

Soaked

"Soaked" is a rousingly introspective creative and metaphorical piece, offering a unique outlook on the significance of dreams by writer Ayomide Awosika.



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