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(11/04/02 6:00am)
Here are eight reasons why I strongly dislike Madison right now:
the Chocolate Shoppe, Subway, Spex, Princess of India, that audio
place that got smaller, Jamba Juice, the Birkenstock store and for
the kicker, Badger Liquor. I dislike that all of these businesses
got their windows smashed Saturday night.
(10/28/02 6:00am)
The man said his name was Chis Chisholm but I swear to God it
sounded like Jizz Jizzum.
(10/21/02 6:00am)
Put on your Neko Case albums because autumn is scary as hell.
Everything pretends to die and turns a gorgeous color. The fields
are golden. Somehow the light is perfected to display the colors
that all the plants turn, and the effect can sometimes be
paralyzing for me. Van Gogh killed himself in autumn, but his
painting was fantastic. It's the crows that do it for me.
(10/14/02 6:00am)
Wesley Willis is a dangerously obese schizophrenic artist with a
whole lot of fans, and although I am one of them, I don't tend to
like the fans. This is a problem because my best sweatshirt is a
Wesley Willis sweatshirt that says \good news is rock 'n' roll."" I
love my sweatshirt, but people talk to me a lot while I'm wearing
it.
(10/07/02 6:00am)
Unrequited love is easier to forget when there is a boob in your
hand.
(09/30/02 6:00am)
Why do you continue to speak? People sneak away. You make them
slither. They don't want to act that way but they are forced into
it by your presence. It is unpleasant. You are aggressively
awkward.
(09/23/02 6:00am)
Not the least among the reasons why I should avoid hard liquor
and drink schnapps is the fact that I felt all right this past
Saturday morning. I didn't party especially the night before, but
it was a decent binge.
(09/16/02 6:00am)
When I first saw him I found it odd that I have a doppleganger.
Not many people have the same color hair as I do, let alone wear it
in a similar fashion. Even as I thought it, I told myself that I
was misapplying the term \doppleganger"" to someone who merely
looked like me and not one who shares a similar experience and
outlook on life. I may be wrong.
(09/09/02 6:00am)
It was sunny and I was in a bad mood despite the immediate
prospect of Popeye's red beans and rice. We were facing another
night in Chattanooga with some treacherous kids from Detroit, and
as I bit into the macaroni and cheese, the phone rang.
(05/02/02 6:00am)
This Tuesday I had the opportunity to attend the Sysco food
distribution show at the Dane County Expo Center. Not being used to
the business world, it was an interesting change of pace and scene.
By interesting, I mean overbearing and liable to induce
indigestion. This was a free buffet I was not going to miss, but it
left me feeling more out of sorts than even a pizza bar
could.
(04/25/02 6:00am)
Some eating establishments bring pomp and drama to the table,
others are informal and fun. Nothing quite gives the feeling of
actually sitting in your living room like a buffet. Something about
getting up all the time for more food is reminiscent of a family
gathering. The difference is that at a buffet your mom isn't going
to yell at you for goofing off.
(04/11/02 6:00am)
Cafe Sham is a new restaurant serving Middle-Eastern food. This
means that you can get a salad with feta cheese and a sandwich with
mixed meat on a stick served in pita bread. It sounds like
Mediterranean Cafe in theory, but isn't all that alike in practice.
(04/02/02 6:00am)
Oh, to be a small overlooked diner full of friendly patrons on a
sunny Sunday noon time. But which one of the Madison diners to be?
Bennett's? No, because that old guy is just a little creepy in his
penis hat. Mickie's Dairy Bar? No, it's too crowded and full of
rowdy stadium folks. Monty's Blue Plate Diner? No, because the
diner kitsch is a little too forced, like a House of Blues or
Spices with a lot of tile. They all have their own merits, but none
of them feel quite so inviting (and I strive to be inviting) as
Cleveland's Diner.
(03/14/02 6:00am)
How much does a pseudo-Mexican restaurant filled with high
school kids ordering margaritas, middle age men trying to score,
families out to dinner and a bar full of 30-somethings trying to
forget work weigh? It weighs as much as Pedro's, winner of the
Isthmus Readers Poll 1996-1997 Best Place Where Chips and Salsa
Make a Meal Award! Remember a couple years ago when Chi-Chi's ran
that TV ad where it threw a New Orleans-style funeral parade for
its dead menu? I know where they hid the body. It's at Pedro's,
seafood chimichanga and all.
(03/07/02 6:00am)
I'm on a budget. Unlike some highrolling delivery drivers, I can
barely afford to eat. That puts me in a bad mood, and nothing puts
me in a better mood than eating, drinking and smoking. It's a sort
of catch 22, that is, if you're not a food columnist. That said,
last Tuesday was a miserable little blizzard of snow and useless
paychecks and I was in desparate need of some E, D and S. I was
saving this review for when I was in a terrible mood. I trekked
through the snow to see how irie Jolly Bob's could get me.
(02/21/02 6:00am)
So I left for Little Switzerland at 11:15 a.m. on an overcast
Tuesday. I was excited, as I always am when I get to be in a car.
We drove past the windsocks flying above rubble piles and the
lonely agrarian oaks presiding over their lost limbs. I was on my
way to see one of the world's finest small breweries.
(02/14/02 6:00am)
Obligations be damned, you know you want to go out tonight. And
if you do, it will probably involve eating out. You say you could
cook for your date. Let me dispel this idea from your head.
Home-cooked may say \I care,"" but chefs are trained, and having
one cook for the two of you says, ""I care enough not to subject
you to a hackneyed shrimp scampi.""
(02/07/02 6:00am)
Beefeater is no longer just a gin named after guys who live in a
tower and wear funny hats. It is now what I am to be called. I have
joined the elite ranks of those who can consume 40 ounces of beef.
I have mastered the Prime Quarter, and it tastes so tooth-picking
good that I refuse to use floss. I prefer to floss my dope new
medallion stating that I am a member of the Beefeater's Club. It
was a little hectic there for a minute, but maracas and jingle
bells were involved.
(01/31/02 6:00am)
Can't they find a way to make buses easy to understand? I know I
can walk to Willy Street, but it's gotten cold out again. Even the
allure of food and resale items can't draw my feet to pound the
frigid pavement that far this time of year. Luckily, I got a ride
from a friend.
(01/24/02 6:00am)
I missed it. I missed the opening of the most unnecessary
restaurant on State Street. It is the madness that has attracted me
since I first heard it was going to open. It is the madness of
opening a shop specializing in one type of European pastry on the
same exact point on this fickle globe where a shop specializing in
one type of European pastry just fizzled out. The long suffering
Gophers finally succumbed to its own idealism and now, Lacey's
Crepery is open for business. I cannot forecast fate, so I do not
make predictions, but somehow this seems like tempting fate.
Perhaps it is actually laughing in the face of fate. Whatever it
is, this is the most entertainment and amazement I have ever
experienced just from the opening of a new restaurant. If there was
a restaurant that only served food from that scene in \Indiana
Jones and the Temple of Doom"" it would not be as entertaining to
me as this continuation of a dream.