April Fools: Global warming to provide overall benefits to state of Wis.
SCIENCE
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SCIENCE
Baby, you're real pretty and all, but dammit, you're pastier than Janet Reno's thighs in the dead of winter. You know what you can do to make me happy and actually want to have sex with you? Radiate yourself in a hot, plastic cylinder for 20 minutes at a time. You know, the same hot plastic cylinders shining brightly with the sweat of all the women who have passed through during store hours, that countless employees have forgotten to disinfect because they were too busy taking pictures of themselves during their shift or going tanning themselves.
Dane County court documents in the latest legal action taken by the family of Brittany Zimmermann revealed new details about the homicide case and the security of Zimmermann's apartment.
The scientific community at large recognizes global warming as a genuine phenomenon. Dissenters suggest the increased temperatures might be due to natural climate fluctuation-perhaps the higher temperatures are part of the same cycle that caused the Ice Age long ago. But recent research indicates that Earth's natural cycles do not sufficiently account for the temperature increases currently observed.