Wash Your Goddamn Sex Toys!
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there are so many things i want to tell you
At Virginia’s State Capitol this past Tuesday, protestors from near and far and across the aisle rioted together as one to fight for a necessary cause: the Pro-Spicy Sweet Chili Movement.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
A series of unexplainable events indicate that the Founding Fathers sense foul play in the District of Columbia.
The nation was shocked today when they heard that ISIS claimed responsibility for the 45 minute flight delay of United Airlines flight 357. Departing from Denver International Airport at 9;35 A.M, the flight was scheduled to take off when all of a sudden, the unimaginable occured- the flight was delayed.
As a mixed person it is often easy to feel as if you have lost your agency, your choice, and your personhood. The labels and names placed onto you can feel like they are erasing the person underneath. A common experience is the strange fascination or disgust some people find with your appearance. The prolonged stares can feel like a scientific observation in which my face is being dissected for the delight of observers.
As the U.S. government shutdown extends, and President Donald Trump’s behavior becomes more and more erratic, anyone who isn’t blindly putting their trust into the shady man desperately looks for some sort of hope for the future. Inspired by werewolf mythology, a coalition of astronomers threw all of their knowledge on how the universe works aside, much like U.S. citizens did when thrown into the bizarre climate brought on by Donald Trump’s inauguration, to attempt to explain the recent political phenomena.
Standing outside the Oregon State Capitol, Democratic Governor Kate Brown announced that she signed into law a bill that would raise the minimum wage in Oregon to $3,000 an hour.
Despite Democrats previously stating that they refuse to negotiate with Trump until the government is opened, the Republican party has come up with new border security suggestions in a last-ditch effort to get their life-saving wall before the American public riots.
Over the winter recess myself and twenty-four others were fortunate enough to be selected for a leadership delegation trip to Israel. This trip’s goal was to expose us to Israeli culture and urge us to acknowledge the differences in lifestyles and perspectives in regards to geo-political issues (I was just wondering what they thought about our “executive” branch).
Savannah McHugh, outgoing Almanac editor, went missing last week after leaving her home for unknown reasons.
I've cried because of hurt
UW Madison sophomore Fineas Anpherb was reportedly lost for words Election Day evening after discovering that there was in fact no referendum on Wisconsin’s infamously poor road conditions.
After Jim Acosta maliciously guided a female intern’s hand off his microphone at a White House press meeting on Wednesday, Janesville resident Jared Williamson reacted in disbelief. “The fake news posterboy really messed up this time,” Williamson remarked, adding that “if a Republican was to have done this, hell would break loose; CNN better fire this abuser.”
After Remarkable Success of Trumpy Bear, Partisan Plushie Manufacturers Set to Unveil New Line of Stuffed Toys
On Monday, Fox News viewers were introduced to “Trumpy Bear,” a stuffed bear resembling the president in attire and hairstyle. The toy even shares Donald’s shark eyes, which appear devoid of any sense of judgement or morality.
On Saturday, October 27th 2018, 11 innocent people were killed in their place of worship. These are our thoughts:
Tuesday saw a record turnout at polls across Wisconsin and ended up flipping the House in favor of Democrats and the Senate in favor of Republicans. Wednesday morning saw the confirmation of Democratic candidate Tony Evers, ousting the incumbent Scott Walker and causing him to have what witnesses called a “fussy fussy temper tantrum” shortly before calling his mom and blubbering into the phone.
Swipe Left, Swipe Right
The recent addition to Madison’s Henry Vilas Zoo, Arctic Passage, has left local “animal lovers,” and the rest of the zoo’s unsuspecting and indifferent “bystander-type” visitors, starstruck.