Cold weather masks coolest students, makes social climbing inconvenient
“It’s that time of year again, and I can’t stand it,” stated freshman Max Dudley. “Being from southern California, you just don’t have these kinds of problems there.”
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“It’s that time of year again, and I can’t stand it,” stated freshman Max Dudley. “Being from southern California, you just don’t have these kinds of problems there.”
“After three years of diligent commenting on the Facebook, my efforts have finally produced the results I’ve been expecting,” stated Madison resident and stay-at-home mom, Barb Suzanna. Despite tens of millions of members and supporters, the NRA recently declared the abolishment of its storied organization. The group has been on the tipping point due to a nationwide surge in gun violence over the past few years, but Barb’s comment finally pushed them over the edge, sparking the dissolution of the organization, which has existed since 1871.
Ideas are powerful. So powerful, in fact, that they have been the cause of countless ideological movements across the globe. From the rise of fascism in Germany and communism in Russia in the early 20th century, to rise of the alt-right led by figures like Breitbart’s Steve Bannon right here on Main Street in the United States. These movements, as evidenced by both the recent memories of the events in Charlottesville and the distant ones of what our forefathers invaded Europe to stop, can have life-altering consequences.Analyzing the effects that ideas — something that cannot even be seen nor physically touched — can have on society begs the question: where do ideas come from? The answer is simpler than one may think; ideas stem from thoughts, and thoughts from words. Words are just the invention of several cultures across the globe over time. Used in various combinations, they form hundreds of languages for humans to not only interact with one another, but with themselves. When people think, they are doing so with their native language. Those who are bilingual can think in two separate languages, or in a mixture of both. An example of this phenomenon is when someone who learning a second language has dreams in that new language. This event shows that one’s brain is further developing its ability to think within the boundaries of the new “code” one is providing it. Without this code, or language, one’s ability to think is limited.So, through logical reasoning, it is reasonable to conclude that after all the atrocities the world has witnessed and continues to witness due to — at its roots — words, that something must be done. This something, is to eliminate any words from dictionaries of all languages that may distress an individual — race, religion, war, fat, mean, short, poor. According to calculations from a think tank, Trust Us Because of Our Fancy Title, this could reduce dictionaries worldwide by nearly half! After an estimated twenty years of these words being eliminated, both their use and potential to harm others, will cease to exist. If you find yourself doubting the effectiveness or morality of this plan, just read George Orwell’s 1984 to discover its potential.
The number of students choosing the pre-med track has skyrocketed this September thanks to ball-busting pressure from parents and the false, fantasized day in a doctor’s life portrayed by Grey’s Anatomy (which was originally an anatomical textbook). However, this influx is misleading; the number of doctors who attended UW-Madison for their undergraduate education has little to no correlation to the number of students who are currently claiming they will be doctors. According to highly trusted sources—that, opposed to what your high school English teacher taught you, do not need to be named to be credible to the general public—an astounding 83.2 percent of pre-med students at the beginning of their freshman year had all switched career plans by January of the same academic year.