almanac

to everybody i love

i don't think i know how to love properly sometimes

i have a lot of love to give

but i'm afraid i might smother you with it

and chase you away with the weight of my emotions

i'm trying my best, i promise, it's just,

this kind of heavy burdensome love is the only kind i knew for so many years


you see, growing up i was loved so very much but 

i was cradled like a delicate petal by calloused hands

which feared the wind would sweep me away

and nervous trembling fingers sheltered me 

while also choking me and leaving no room to breathe

it was a well-intentioned love with a warmth 

so desperate to keep me safe that it left burn marks

etched into my skin that no amount of therapy will erase


and you don't know how long it took me to realize 

love isn't supposed to feel like you're being suffocated

and love shouldn't come hand-in-hand with fear

so I'm sorry that i don't yet know 

how to love without being terrified of loss

for this world we live in is so very windy 

and i am so very afraid of being left alone in the dust


i cannot promise I'll never hurt you

i promise i don't mean to

but impacts are made regardless of intent

and i know have a lot of love to give

i want to do better than the way i was taught

so i promise i'll learn how to love properly

i will give myself room to grow

to breathe

to take root in this fresh soil

to blossom

forever, finally

Comments powered by Disqus

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Cardinal.