There is an expectation that all people who attend a university are hormone-crazed sex addicts roaming campus looking for their next lay, and this is kind of true. But, to be fair, college students also experience times of complete lack of desire. While college might usually have us feeling sexy and free, the amount stress and inconsistency in this stage of life can also be a total boner killer.
How can you tell?
If it takes more than a few moments to answer the question, “When was the last time I was turned on?” low libido may have invited itself into the bedroom. Not wanting sex (or activity of any sort) is not a problem, but wanting to want sex and not being able to conjure the feeling can be a huge bummer.
It is up to the individual to decide what the “right” sex drive is for them. Libido is certainly not limited to the desire to get into someone’s pants. It can be how often the urge to masturbate is happening, how positive a person feels in regards to appearance and general sexiness or how unattractive they feel.
Agreeing to sex when one is not truly interested, not feelin’ that appealin’ feelin’, lacking connection with a partner or siggie (that’s significant other for those of you who don’t subscribe to Anna’s personal dictionary of made up words) or only wanting sex on the weekend after many a cup o’ wop are all examples of ways low libido could be negatively impacting someone.
No one is denying that low sex drive can be an enormous buzzkill, but there are things to be done to fight that flaccid feeling.
The fun little activity attached to this column can help you figure out what you like.
Think of this as a starter list. For each box checked make a separate list about what exactly that means. What sexy stimulus caused a stir downstairs? Am I more aroused by things I do or by the world and people around me? What does this tell me about what turns me on and how do I further incorporate this into my life? Does looking at titties titillate me? (Yeah, I did just want to say “titties,” sue me.)
Low libido could be a result of one partner getting what they need and not the other. This is one of the most common reasons a person may not want sex, but luckily it is also one of the most solvable. It makes sense that after time and time again of staring at the ceiling while a partner hits none of the right places, sex would become undesirable all together.
Taking action
There is no reason to become complacent. If a sweetie made the same bland meal night after night one would (hopefully) not keep eating it without complaint, we would kindly say, “Hey baby, you know I love your meatloaf, but let’s try making a curry tonight instead!” I apologize for comparing boring sex to meatloaf, but the point is that asking for what we want will add excitement for everyone and may be just what we need to get the good times going.
What is the point of thinking about how much I think about sex? Doing some reflection can reveal problematic trends and allow opportunity for growth. Discovering that one only gets turned on while angry or under the influence of drugs and alcohol could be a chance to find other ways of getting that passionate or relaxed feeling. Maybe meditating or listening to Enya will lower inhibitions and lead to hotter and heavier feelings than a Jack and Coke can.
The brain is the most powerful sex organ; understanding what makes blood flow to all the right places allows the individual to fill their own tank and rev up their sex drive.
Wondering if you went too far for a Klondike bar? Anna can counsel you on this and your other woes at sex@dailycardinal.com.
