If there is one thing I have learned from being single my entire existence, it is that holidays are the worst. Well, I’ve also learned that being single gives you more hours of free time to sit around looking your absolute worst without being judged. But holidays are most definitely the worst times to be single, because everywhere you look it seems that everyone else is… not single.
The worst holiday of all time is Valentine’s Day. It is an in-your-face reminder that you have no one to catch you as you land ass-first on the cold, hard February ice. And when that reminder hits you at every possible turn, it stings worse than the ice. The only possible way to escape the coupling occurring everywhere is to lock yourself in your house and consume unhealthy amounts of discounted chocolate and Ramen (a combination I have recently discovered pairs quite nicely). But why is it that even the creepy kid in your discussion seems to be in love during February? I think the more important question is: why is it that single people should be shamed for not finding someone?
While I was at a family brunch, I was questioned by everyone, including my young cousin, about what my relationship status was. Despite my Facebook still saying “single,” they thought perhaps at college or during the holiday season I had stumbled upon someone who found me decent enough to date. As they continued to question me about eligible bachelors to “set me up with” for the season, I thought, is this really what the season of love is about? Do we really just need one good fling to make us happy during Valentine’s?
Of course the answer is no. The true meaning of Valentine’s Day, which everyone knows, is buying as many presents for yourself and pretending like they came from someone else. Which is why I bought myself the best-selling self-help book “If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?”
The book lists ten strategies that will change my love life forever. While I figured that the best ways to make myself more eligible would be to enlarge my non-existent breasts to size XXX or change my personality to be more like Kristen Wiig’s impersonation of Shana on Saturday Night Live, the book simply stated that I should make myself more available and quit searching because I would find someone when I am least expecting. Though these phrases made me feel better about myself for half a second, I ultimately continued to feel like crap. This might have been due to the fact that my diet of chocolate, Ramen and Diet Coke had been affecting my intestines in ways I never imagined.
This brings me to my rant of the things that single people hate to hear. I don’t know why everyone thinks that single people need consoling on the basis that they are single. Personally, through my 18 years of being single I have discovered things about myself that I would have never been able to if I was busy planning dates with my significant other. But going back to my rant, there is nothing worse than hearing: “How are you still single? You are just so great.” I mean, what is the typical response to something like that? “Yes, I know I am great, but not great enough for any of my male acquaintances?” Or is it better to be more humble and say “No, stop. I’m not great. You’re the great one, which is why you have someone.”
These are the types of things that keep me up at night (along with my bowel movements from my crappy diet). I barely get any sleep as I ponder these questions that I am asked constantly.
Because I am definitely sleep deprived, my Valentine’s Day ideal date is to get some sleep and stop worrying about how to respond to these questions. I want to stop caring about what people think and stop thinking about my relationship status. I will never understand why people feel the need to ask me about my nonexistent boyfriend, but what I do understand is that I have no obligation to feel bad about being single. And with that being said, I am going to reserve a table for one at a restaurant.
Lilly is a freshman writer for The Daily Cardinal. What do you think of her perspective? Is Valentine’s Day just a torturous experience for single people filled with the constant feeling of mind-numbing solitude? Or is the holiday an expression of the beauty that love and affection can bring into someone’s life? Or, is the day just a capitalist exploitation of a person’s longing for someone to share their life with? We want to know what you think. Please send all comments to opinion@dailycardinal.
