In a stunning display of confidence, University of Wisconsin-Madison sophomore Jared Lang boldly stepped between two other men to take the middle urinal in the crowded Humanities Building second floor bathroom yesterday.
According to bathroom-goers, Lang’s unconventional maneuver shocked the room into a prolonged silence.
“All of the sudden it got really quiet. No talking. No sink noises. No hand driers. You could hear a pin drop,” Charlie Felton, a senior waiting in line, said.
The men to Lang’s left and right, Eric Ward and Jake Brennan, exchanged a few nervous glances before quickly fixing their eyes on the white tile ahead of them, according to onlookers.
“I didn’t look down once the whole time,” Ward adamantly told reporters.
The three urinals were occupied simultaneously for around 15 seconds.
“It felt like an eternity. I just wanted it to be over,” Ward said.
Brennan was the last to finish and looked visibly shaken, according to eyewitness reports.
“His elbow. His elbow touched my elbow,” Brennan said after the incident, unable to look reporters in the eye.
The three men briefly reunited at the sinks to wash their hands before going their separate ways.
Lang says he is a normal, self-confident guy who was just trying to save some time.
“I feel good about myself. I’m secure in my sexuality and masculinity. I take the middle urinal all the time when it’s the only one left,” Lang said. “If people think that’s weird, then that’s their problem.”
Lang went on to say, “If anyone is the weird one, it’s [Ward]. I’m pretty sure that guy didn’t use soap when he washed his hands.”
