It was a night to remember... that award shows usually suck at giving out awards. With the 2013 Primetime Emmy Awards having vanished almost as quickly as they appeared last night, it’s time to analyze a few of the winners from a presentation that surprised early, blew chunks in the middle and salvaged a meth bump’s worth of respect at the end.
Tony Hale’s well deserved Emmy for best supporting actor in a comedy kicked off a string of awards that teased us with the possibility of a respectable winners list. Despite the applause for his win, Hale stole the show as he hopped onstage to help treat fellow “Veep” star and lead comedy actress winner Julia Louis Dreyfus completely in character as he whispered advice to the faux Vice President.
Then there’s lead actor in a comedy. “The Big Bang Theory” is the bane of my existence. I want the show, its premise and every set ever involved in it to burn in a fiery pit. Besides everything Seth MacFarlane has ever done, it’s perhaps the most gratuitously stupid show on the air. So Jim Parsons winning best actor wasn’t good for my usually sunny disposition. Even the old standby Alec Baldwin would’ve been better.
To break up the displeasure fest I have going on here, let’s all raise our Colbert flags to the high heavens. The godlike host has finally unseated his one-time boss, Jon Stewart, from a 10 year reign atop the best variety show throne. Congrats to a long-overdue award for the best late night show going on TV.
Now back to the lowlights. David Fincher winning for “House of Cards” isn’t unexpected, Emmy voters love those Hollywood types, but hopefully “Breaking Bad’s” Michelle MacLaren gets her due next year. Directing the most visually arresting show on television all while making our stomachs descend into our legs isn’t an easy task.
Anna Gunn finally won for best supporting actress as well, although I was secretly hoping she might give us a nice double bird onstage for all the Skyler haters out there. Claire Danes predictably won best lead actress for “Homeland.” It was disappointing to see Elisabeth Moss get shut out along with Jane Champion’s brilliant miniseries “Top of the Lake.” By all accounts “Behind the Candelabra” is really well done though, so the sting hurts a little less.
Bobby Cannavale of “Boardwalk Empire” won best supporting actor over Aaron Paul and Jonathan “Mike Ehrmantraut” Banks of Breaking Bad. Jonathan casually floated balloons above the post ceremony before whipping out his pistol. Cannavale is still missing.
Jeff Daniels won for best actor. Let that sink in a bit. Dumb or Dumber—I can’t remember which one he was—beat out Jon Hamm and Bryan Cranston among others. Probably the worst award of the night, Hamm’s voluptuous beard later enveloped Daniels in a black hole of handsomeness.
“Modern Family” won best comedy again for the fourth time. Luckily the award is made moot by the fact both “Parks and Recreation” and “Happy Endings” weren’t even nominated.
With my faith in Emmy voters essentially gone, “Breaking Bad” won the award for best drama. Simultaneously, its penultimate episode started down a hole we can only hope to crawl out of next week. It restored a tiny modicum of respect. Then I remembered award shows are pointless. Till next year, Emmys. May you always recall the year Jeff Daniels chewed Fruit Stripe gum onstage while Heisenberg planted ricin and remembered how bad “Fly Away Home” was.
