Letter to Barack: miss ya buddy

Looking through my WiscMail this week, I noticed something, or rather someone, was missing from my inbox. Whereas last fall the president, vice president and other prominent politicians had flooded my inbox—often sending messages that had personal subject lines addressing me as “friend”—this semester, I had to search just to find one email. A little hurt that the president seemed to be avoiding me, I thought I’d send him a message to check in.

Dear Mr. President,

Congratulations on the second term! I bet you’re siked to return to business as usual back in Washington. I haven’t heard from you in a while, so I thought I'd write to see how things have been going since you started your second four years.

Did you have a chance to relax over the holiday season? I hope you got some time to yourself between the election, responding to a national tragedy and avoiding economic meltdown. How was your Christmas?

After our frequent email correspondence over the fall semester, I gotta say, I was a little disappointed not to receive a holiday card from you and Michelle. Come to think of it, you never got back to any of my emails either… But that’s OK about the card. I understand you had a few year-end matters to attend to. Maybe next year?

Speaking of year-end events, I’m sure glad we didn’t go over that fiscal cliff! That would’ve reeeally sucked. Congress sure had me going for a while there. You seem like a pretty cool guy, so I’m sure that didn’t stress you out too much, right?

On the note of stress, I couldn’t help but notice your graying hair. Are you getting enough sleep? If Boehner is calling you in the middle of the night crying, you gotta draw some boundaries. He’s stressed, but you’re a busy man. And the same advice applies to dealing with those late-night prank calls from Biden. Just tell him that the “is your refrigerator running?” joke isn’t funny.

While we’re on the subject of calls, even though you won’t be running in 2016, can you spread the word that three campaign calls a day is a little much? It’s nothing personal, and it’s not that I don’t feel like chatting, but I’m a little crunched for time around midterms.

So, how’s the fam? Sasha and Malia are starting to look so grown-up! They’re both so beautiful. You know who else looks great? Michelle. Please pass on the word that I love the new haircut. Very stylish. A little on the trendy side, but she’s kind of a trendsetter herself, so it works. Is she still into shopping at Target? If so, there’s an awesome Greatland in the Maryland suburbs that I like to go to, if she ever wants to join me (If you could just let her know; she has my email).

As for me? I’m doin’ pretty well. Taking 16 credits this semester, trying to work out more. Nothing too crazy, y’know.

Oh, hey! Funny story. My WiscMail inbox was starting to reach its capacity earlier this winter, so I deleted some of our old messages and ended up clearing out something like 30 percent of my inbox. Whew! That’s a lot of messages. I almost wish I hadn’t dumped them all because I never hear from you and your pals anymore.

Anyhoo, drop me a line when you get a chance. I hope to hear from you and the gang soon!

Best wishes,


Wanna join Rachel and Michelle on their trip to Target? Think Barry won’t respond in time?  Send Rachel an email rmschulze@dailycardinal.com, and maybe she’ll misinterpret it as a gesture of friendship.

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