I’m just not sure what I want to do with myself. Maybe right now I can get by on 12-packs of Fresca and frozen pizza, but my time is gonna come.
All I know is that some day, relatively soon, I’m going to have to stop living in my little fantasy world of college and get a real (full time) job. The nine-to-five grind of America is calling my name and it isn’t an easy thing to refuse.
In my mind, I have this idea to run away from civilization and live independently in the woods, or anywhere desolate I guess. But in real life, there’s no way that could actually happen.
I am a suburban (and for a good while city) kid, so I don’t think I could ever leave society altogether. Should I take that as frightening or comforting?
Well, fortunately I don’t think society is ending any time soon. That doesn’t mean I can just bum around forever. College isn’t exactly bumming, but we’re supposed to put all this new knowledge towards something constructive once we graduate.
I have a plan of what I want to do when I leave the University of Wisconsin, the implementation part is just a little bit frightening—like, in the “grand scheme” of things. I have this diminutive image in my head where I am looking into the mirror 25 years down the line and the only thing I can say is “shit,” in a drawn out and exhausted wheeze.
When you only get one chance at doing something, it makes sense to concede some things for greater overall success. That may sound completely asinine; it’s simply one of the principles of being human.
Then, once you realize these concessions can be very necessary in order to keep a roof over your head—the wheeze lifestyle becomes a reality.
I guess I’m afraid of becoming something I despise. There may be some remnants of juvenile influence making me feel this way (nobody wants to be the bad guy when they’re a kid). But I think it’s a more nuanced experience than just good versus evil.
To me, being a litigation attorney seems like one of the most miserable ways to make a living, even if your pockets are lined with tear-logged dollar bills. I couldn’t handle screwing over random people on a daily basis. At the same time, doing something that required no thought, emotion or even an ounce of skill would be equally terrible.
I’m really hoping this college degree gets me into a career more intriguing than telemarketing or logistics (shout out to my former employer the UPS Store). If not, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.
Everyone has ideal scenarios that they play out in their heads—ineffably ecstatic scenes watermarked by the notion “It’s too good to be true.” Some people take these visions more seriously than others.
Honestly, I don’t care if I get my dream job, it would be nice, but I’m not going to lose sleep over it. It’s a dream for a reason. All I really demand is something I can stand doing, something with more than one dimension.
If sitting at a desk indefinitely twiddling my thumbs becomes the only option, I might just have to reevaluate things. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the overall importance of “simple” or “boring” jobs. I just don’t want to do them.
In such a massive world, it would be a waste of time for someone to just stay in place if they weren’t satisfied with life. And if the 40-hour work week doesn’t do it for me, well, I’ll have to make some sacrifices.
Growing up is exciting, but also scary. There are some days when I can’t wait to own my own house and others when I want my mommy to make me a sandwich. Real world, please be good to me.
Have some wise words of advice for Andy? Give him a window into the world after college at holsteen@wisc.edu.
