In the hipster mecca of Austin, Texas where I attended SXSW, the PBR flowed freely, the moustaches were well-sculpted and the beanies were worn despite the nearly 90-degree weather. Although many of my friends would joke that I must have been in good company, it made me realize the dire importance of moving forward the common perceptions of what being a “hipster” really is.
The current conception of the hipster is stagnated, stuck in the bland, perpetual competition of “who-saw-this-band-in-a-back-alley-in-1990” and “who’s-flannel-shirt-has-more-edgy-cigarette-burns,” and frankly, I’m fed up. I propose that Madison become the new mecca of forward-thinking individuals. Going above and beyond current conceptions of cool is imperative: True ingenuity is unmistakable. Thus, I give you tips on embracing the new Madison cool.
1. Ditch the labels, or personalize them.
Being called a “hipster” is something true hipsters have always shirked, but you won’t be rejecting a label because it’s derogatory—it’s really just not descriptive of you. You take avant-garde, neo-noir, post-modern and opiate-chic to a new, and completely unique level, and no name can put you into a category. There is the risk, though, that non-hip plebeians won’t understand this liberating ideology. In that case, insist upon at least a description that more accurately depicts your persona—I, for instance, ask people to call me an eco-grunge-Kantian-neo-libservative-Fitzgeraldian-Agnist. Look it up.
2. Get creative with fashion
The way that current clothes are made is harmful for the environment, but luckily there are unique statement pieces all around you that won’t kill the earth and are unique. That bucket you used to mop up your paint-splatter wall art? It could easily be made into a necklace, just throw some old nails in it for sonic aesthetics. I even have an iPhone app that locates nearby garbage dumps and their contents—it can pick out an old-rat-skull-turned-brooch in no time!
3. Seek out new forms of music
Oh, you saw The Sheepdogs perform in a coffee shop before they got big and started playing in slightly larger coffee shops? YAWN. Soon, you can say you saw Backyard Dan playing his nail beds and sighing to a beat behind a Port-a-Potty in Joplin, Mo if you start looking for art in the right places. Music as we currently know it is hackneyed—the music of real life is visceral, gritty and really chic. The homeless guy moaning quietly on top of the sound of cars starting and stopping can be art, if you say it is. And when he gets big for mixing his moans with high-pitched pig squeals, you can say you saw him when he was first starting out. And there is no greater joy than that.
