Dear Erica,
I want to start giving [my boyfriend] blowjobs... I haven't ever given a blowjob before. How do I make sure he'll like it?
—Sorry Understanding of Cocksucking Knowledge
I LOVE BLOWJOBS!
Now, SUCK, look in the mirror and say that 10 times.
My first bit of advice is to think about why you want to start giving blowjobs. What makes them sexy for you? What makes you enjoy them as much as he does?
I ask this because the first tip to help you blow like a pro is enthusiasm. A dull, perfunctory blowjob, even if the performer does everything technically ""right,"" is probably still not a very good blowjob. Like with any other sex act, it's best when all parties are involved, active participants; if someone is just there out of some sense of humdrum obligation, then it takes the quality down a few notches.
Tip number two is to ask what your partner likes in advance or during the actual event. Remember, the best head is the head your partner likes best. Asking permission for things can be a sexy way to simultaneously talk dirty and get consent.
Once you and your partner are on the same wavelength, focus on his most sensitive bits. The head is a great place to start, along with the corona (that ridge where the head meets the shaft) and particularly the frenulum (the little triangular spot on the corona on the underside). Kiss his balls, or gently take them in your mouth. Pull up his foreskin and swirl your tongue around inside it. Lube up a finger and play with his ass.
Don't forget about the non-penis parts of his body and sensorium that can get in on the action too.
Lightly run your fingers along his thighs. Slide your palm up his belly until you get to his nipples. Moan a lot and tell him how much you love having his cock in your mouth. If you're a gal, touch yourself for a minute and let him taste how much you love it, or if you have a dick of your own, let him feel how hard it makes you, too.
Once he's good and worked up, you might try deep throating. Deep throating is not always a necessary component of a good blowjob, but it's an exceptional tool to have in your repertoire. Slide your mouth all the way down the shaft (watch your teeth) and stay there. Make eye contact. Move back up just an inch or two and then return to the base, keeping the head deep inside your mouth.
Go slow. Go fast. Pay attention to how he's responding; his breathing and his body language can cue you in to what he likes just as much as what he's saying.
Think your gag reflex is too sensitive to deep throat? It's probably not. Practice a bit with your toothbrush, a spoon or dildo (no really, practice). Try to figure out how you like to breathe.
Work on inching back further into your mouth, a little bit at a time. See if you can keep it there longer. Your gag reflex probably won't ever be eliminated, but you can learn to control it.
And for the big finish? It's often portrayed as an either/or (spitting or swallowing), but there are many additional options: You could let your partner cum on your face, your chest or let him squirt across the room.
Ask him what he likes or has never tried before, and remember, the job isn't necessarily over once your partner has an orgasm. Get a tissue, or grab a blanket and cuddle a bit. Let him (and help him) come down from the mind-blowing high you just gave him.
One final point: This column talks about blowjobs on a male-bodied person, but almost all of the tips can be applied to oral sex on a vulva, or oral sex on a
partner with a strap-on.
Enthusiasm, discussion and whole-body involvement—all of these things can be applied to any partner during any sex act.
That's all I've got for you today, SUCK. Remember that it's okay to have a learning curve, and that while practice makes perfect with blowjobs, the practice can be pretty fun in and of itself. But hopefully with these tips to start you off, you won't suck when you suck. Good luck.
Practice makes perfect! For more helpful tips and techniques on blowjobs, oral sex or any other sexual activity you're in need of improving these days, send an e-mail to Erica at sex@dailycardinal.com.
