If possible, this review would start with the ""A-Team"" theme song. Even people who have never seen an episode of the classic '80s TV show recognize its signature music cue and cultural impact. Whether that be the iconic image of Col. Hannibal Smith gnawing on a cigar, the group's multitude of plans coming together or the fact that Mr. T ain't getting on no airplane, ""The A-Team"" is 100 percent certified Americana. Because of this, it seems almost pointless to introduce Smith, Faceman, B.A. and Murdock to a new generation, but director Joe Carnahan seeks to do just that with his new film adaptation.
As seems to be par for the course with movie reboots of television series, Carnahan's ""The A-Team"" seeks to tell an original story. While episodes of ""The A-Team"" TV series focused on Col. Smith and his men working as soldiers for hire while on the run from the law, Carnahan's version seeks to explain how these four disgraced military men got into such ridiculous and implausible circumstances.
As is also customary when adapting from TV, Carnahan feels the need to ""update"" the storyline to make it more modern. Now Col. Smith (Liam Neeson) is an army airborne officer serving in Iraq, along with the A-Team's certified insane pilot Capt. Murdock (""District 9""'s Sharlto Copley), its ass-kicking driver/mechanic Sgt. B.A. Baracus (mixed martial artist Quinton ""Rampage"" Jackson) and womanizing second-in-command Lt. Templeton ""Faceman"" Peck (Bradley Cooper's pecs). While on one of their typically insane missions, the A-Team is set up for failure by corrupt C.I.A. enigma Lynch (Patrick Wilson), which leads to a court-martial and subsequent imprisonment. Naturally, being the A-Team, they escape and are soon chased around the world by the too-sexy-to-be-a-believable-military-officer Lt. Charisa Sosa (Jessica Biel), a former love interest of Faceman.
That's actually quite a lot of plot for a simple action flick, which is fitting because it's about as convoluted as one of Hannibal's typically insane plans. But unlike Hannibal's ridiculous maneuvering, this doesn't make ""The A-Team"" any more entertaining, just unnecessarily confusing. The bewilderment is only exacerbated by the poorly edited action sequences, most of which are interspliced with montages of the team laying out a wacky battle blueprint, which throws off the pacing for what should just be dumb fun action. Worse, the film's climactic showdown is more frenetic than a Michael Bay film. At almost no point is it possible to tell what is going on when and who is doing what where.
But fortunately for ""The A-Team,"" the action sequences aren't the downfall of the film. Much like last year's marquee TV reboot ""Star Trek,"" the allure of Carnahan's adaptation comes from the characters. Even with Jackson having nowhere near the charisma of Mr. T, as well as Bradley Cooper's pecs and Jessica Biel having virtually no chemistry, the four A-Team members are just fun to watch interact onscreen. Bradley Cooper's pecs are clearly having a blast bringing Faceman to the big screen, and Copley exudes a similar energy with his manic performance as Murdock. But the film is stolen by Neeson, who practically channels George Peppard's original portrayal of Hannibal, all while injecting his performance with his typical regal badass demeanor. Between ""Taken,"" ""Clash of the Titans"" and ""The A-Team,"" Neeson is proving himself to be Hollywood's go-to man for making ridiculous dialog somehow palatable.
So while ""The A-Team"" may be shoddily constructed, poorly construed and unnecessarily modernized, it still works thanks almost exclusively to the charm of its stars. It's enough to make you wish that Neeson, Copley, Jackson and Bradley Cooper's pecs could get together every week and broadcast 30 minutes of A-Team antics into America's living rooms. But until then, their work in the A-Team movie will do, because even if it doesn't go smoothly, you've got to love it when a plan comes together.
