Determined to prove that I don't entirely hate America, the global stage and the majesty of curling, I turned on the closing ceremonies of the Olympics Sunday night to make an honest effort at patriotism. And boy, did those goofy paperboy outfits worn by our U.S. Olympians get me tearing up and screaming ""USA!"" at my TV. I was just about to replace the back window of my pickup truck with a painted mural of the American flag when an NBC promo flickered on my TV:
""Coming up next, it's ‘THE MARRIAGE REF' from producer JERRY SEINFELD!"" What followed had me seriously considering Canadian citizenship.
If you're not familiar with the premise of ""The Marriage Ref,"" let me enlighten you: Jerry Seinfeld's squad of marriage-wrecking cameramen goes to an average married couple and documents their not-so-average squabbles. The first episode features a couple fighting over whether a husband could keep his dead, stuffed dog in the house and another that fight over bringing a stripper pole in the bedroom.
The footage they collect is shown to a panel of celebrity ""experts,"" many of whom don't have the greatest marriage track records (ahem Alec Baldwin and Madonna), who advise host Tom Papa on who wins the couple's argument. They then bring the couple on live TV to mock them via satellite, humiliate one member of the couple and then bribe them with a second honeymoon to try to repair the damage.
The wretchedness of the show has been pretty well documented in the press—when critics are clamoring for ""The Leno Show"" to be back in primetime, you know things are bad. What struck me after finally seeing it was just how dull they managed to make everything.
There are only two couples per episode, so you're stuck hearing the same problems over and over. The host generally passes off loud talking at his guests as comedy and really only serves as the gum that sticks the husband, wife and three celebrities together. For some reason, they even roped in Natalie Morales from NBC's ""Today"" to check the facts of the arguments and sportscaster Marv Albert to do a completely unnecessary highlight reel at the end of each episode to fill the last ten minutes.
There's not even a trashy, fun vibe to this show. It just makes me sad for the pettiness of both Hollywood and marriage.
The one redeeming factor is the celebrity hosts, who make the experience bearable with their frequent looks of ""What the hell did you get me into, Jerry?"" at both Seinfeld and the audience. In the first episode, Alec Baldwin started passing the time by messing with Kelly Ripa just to see if she would embarrass herself. A clip from a future episode showed both Ricky Gervais and Larry David utterly flabbergasted that they were somehow brought in as sideshow acts on Jerry's Marital Circus.
The worst part? This week's half-hour episode is only a taste of the hour-long blocks of misery to come. NBC has a lot of gall placing this show right after their otherwise hallowed Thursday night lineup—hoping for residual viewership, I suppose. Hopefully American couples end up despising the show as well. If NBC successfully sells this shlock as slice of American life, I want to vomit my portion everywhere.
As you can tell, Mark is desperate for new episodes of ""30 Rock""—mid-season breaks are drying up the watchable TV supply. Send your requests for ""Lost""-related columns to mriechers@wisc.edu.
