Had swine flu? Know someone who has? Worried about getting it? If you answered no to any or all of those questions, you're probably in the minority on campus. Swine Flu has swept through our university, sending officials scrambling to contain it while students enjoy the three days off from school.
For those of you who are stuck at home, barred from campus events of any kind, here are five movies that show, in terms of disease, that you could have it a lot worse.
1. ""28 Days Later""
You think swine flu is bad? Try Ape Fever. ""28 Days Later"" starts in British laboratories, as rage-filled chimpanzees lead to a worldwide race of angry, bloodthirsty zombies. Cillian Murphy and a few other choice survivors try to live in an apocalyptic dystopia faced with an uncertain future and an even more unstable present. The worst anyone on campus has had was a day or so of hospitalization. Imagine trying to run from class to class with furious, black goo spurting relentless spawns of Satan. Biddy would have to shorten the semester for sure.
2. ""Osmosis Jones""
Maybe you want a bit lighter fare while the H1N1 takes over your immune system. Look no further than the Farrelly Brothers' ""Osmosis Jones,"" a mixture of live action and animation that stars Chris Rock as the title character, a badass white blood cell fighting diseases in the body of Frank, played in live-action sequences by Bill Murray. Frank has eaten a bad egg, and a deadly disease (Laurence Fishburne) is looking to bring him down. Now it's up to Ozzie and Drix the pill (David Hyde Pierce of ""Frasier"") to save the day. Watch it knowing that no matter how bad you feel, you've got miniature Chris Rocks inside of you working to keep you healthy.
3. ""Outbreak""
Swine flu's symptoms include sore throat, fever, nausea and coughing. The Motaba virus, featured in Wolfgang Peterson's ""Outbreak,"" has a 100 percent mortality rate, and symptoms include internal bleeding and liquefying of organs. When a chimpanzee (sensing a pattern here?) stows away on a cargo ship to the U.S., the quaint California town of Cedar Point is overrun by an even deadlier version of the Motaba virus. Now it's up to a who's who of '90s movie stars (Dustin Hoffman, Morgan Freeman, Rene Russo, Cuba Gooding Jr., Kevin Spacey) to deliver an antidote and save us all. On the plus side, they only need one shot to cure the Motaba virus. You need at least two Swine Flu shots, and even then it doesn't become effective for a couple of weeks.
4. ""Babe""
After all this terrible talk of Swine Flu, how about a pig who actually brought about some good? ""Babe"" tells the story of a gallant pig raised by dogs on a farm full of funny creatures. He wants to be a sheepherder like his ""mom"" the sheepdog, but is laughed at. Watch some fine acting by the esteemed James Cromwell, and shed a tear of joy as Babe takes the biggest sheepherding stage of them all, to surprising results. ""Babe"" was not only nominated for the Academy Award for Best Picture, but has entertained children everywhere for years. Try ridding the swine flu from your body with Farmer Hoggett's famous saying, ""That'll do, pig. That'll do.""
5. ""Home Alone""
After announcing to your roommates you've come down with the Swine, you shuffle off to bed, cursing your bad luck and loss of drinking on a football Saturday. When you awake, the house is empty, with nary a trace of its former occupants. Wandering the house, you suddenly exclaim (with a precociously cute waggle of your eyebrows) ""I made my roommates disappear!"" Sure, ""Home Alone"" has nothing to do with swine flu, but what could be better than watching Macaulay Culkin make mincemeat of some burglars while enjoying some soup? Maybe you could make some swine flu booby traps of your own. Just wait until you roommate opens his bedroom door, only to get a bucket of your used tissues dumped on him! Why swine flu alone when you could be having swine flu for two?
