Hi! My name is Erica Andrist, and I like sex. What can I say? I like sex in the missionary position, I like sex standing up... I think overall I'm pretty flexible.
I'm going to pause and let that sit for a minute. In the meantime, let me say welcome to The Dirty Bird, The Daily Cardinal's weekly sex column. I'm a first-year med student here at UW, and I'm also part of Sex Out Loud, the student sexual health organization. You can check us out on the web at sexoutloud.com, or in our office at the Student Activity Center, but please remember that The Daily Cardinal and SOL are two separate entities with differing opinions and views. I just happen to work for both.
Anyway, let's all take a moment to think about how we ended up here. We came to college for a myriad amount of different reasons, but if we strip them all naked, we probably have one in common: to learn stuff. Lots of us will find or have found that one of the things we learn about is sex. This doesn't necessarily mean we have to have sex—some of us will and some of us won't, and that's OK, since sexual activity should always be a choice. Both options can be equally positive and empowering.
There is, however, one sexual relationship everyone should have. Each and every one of us should have a hot, steamy sexual relationship with ourselves. We should know how we would fill in that sentence: ""My name is ________, and I think sex is ___________ because ___________."" A healthy sexual self-relationship can help us ensure any sex we have with others is pleasurable, safe, consensual and any other number of mind-blowing adjectives.
The central tenet of a healthy self-relationship is to know thyself in mind and body. There are multiple ways in which one can go about doing this. Look for my first column in September for more details about the multitude of campus resources available, but for now, let me list University Health Services (UHS) and Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment (PAVE) in the Student Activity Center, the Campus Women's Center (CWC) and the LGBT Campus Center in Memorial Union, the UW library system and the timetable. Yeah, the timetable. They probably did not/will not discuss this with you at SOAR, but though most of us are products of abstinence-only high school health classes, we can find quality classroom sex ed here at the UW. Check out Psych 160, Women's Studies 103 or Pathology 210 for just a beginning selection.
Speaking of abstinence, it probably got promoted to us as the only 100 percent effective way to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This is false. Abstinence is, certainly, 100% effective, but so is masturbation (to name just one other activity).
Masturbation gets a bad rap, and I have no effing clue why. Like I mentioned, you can't get pregnant from masturbating or give yourself any STIs. Masturbation will help you have an orgasm if you've never had one before. Masturbation is a great way to procrastinate. Masturbation can help relieve stress, insomnia, menstrual cramps, headaches and boredom. It's a safe, healthy, common and thoroughly enjoyable activity, not to mention unquestionably the best way to get to know our own bodies.
I masturbate a lot. I have three vibrators; one is named Gladys, another is named Ryan Braun and one has yet to be named. I have two hands. I also have a brand spankin' new vibrating butt plug, which as of press time I actually haven't used yet, but that's okay. I usually have about a half-dozen different kinds of lube in my bedroom at any given time. And in spite of all this glazing of my donut, I don't have hairy palms or a hairy tongue. My growth is not stunted. I'm not socially awkward or weird, at least not any more than the average person. I do wear contact lenses, but I'm pretty sure that's unrelated. And I suppose I cannot verify whether God has killed any kittens on my behalf, but I don't lose any sleep over it.
And finally, I am in no way, shape, or form ashamed or embarrassed to let anyone who cares to read this column know any of this. If you prefer to keep the details of your sexual self-relationship to yourself, that's cool too. But one other thing abstinence-only education tries to teach us is that we don't talk about sex. We should not be having sex nor asking questions about it. Therefore, one final resource I'd like to list is me. I hope you find my columns entertaining, but also helpful and informative. And I hope that, with the Dirty Bird or with Sex Out Loud, I can help you begin to figure out how you'll fill in that sentence.
Got questions? Know how you'd fill in those blanks? E-mail Erica at sex@dailycardinal.com, and look for her every Friday during the school year.
