I've been called a switch hitter before, but I guess this is a new context.
Welcome to The Dirty Bird, the Daily Cardinal's new weekly sex column. My name is Erica, and I'm a senior program facilitator with Sex Out Loud. Alhough SOL gives me a lot of background I'll draw on to answer your sex questions, I'll be writing this column independently of SOL, and what I say does not necessarily correspond with their stance on any issue. I'll be writing on topics of my own choosing and answering questions students ask me in programs until I start getting your questions at sex@dailycardinal.com. For realz, guys, ask me questions. Having your questions to answer takes the pressure off of me to think of something to write about. (Performance anxiety - column topic?)
At any rate, I can't wait to start getting your questions. In the meantime, here's a great one from a recent program:
Is there anything I can do to make semen more palatable?
For sure. Some people can't get enough of the taste of their partners' semen or vaginal secretions - it's like a bonus post-dessert dessert. For others, it's not quite cum brà »lée. If we find ourselves in the latter category, there are things we can do head in a tastier erection.
The simplest and most immediate solution is to add another flavor to oral sex. This can be done in several different ways: e.g. whipped cream, flavored lube/sex dams/condoms, or sucking an Altoid. This is an easy and readily available way to alter taste - however, there are a couple of things to keep in mind when going this route. First, the skin of your genitals is more sensitive than the skin of, say, your face, so though you may have no problem putting honey in your mouth, putting it in your honeypot might cause an allergic reaction. Second, all of these items have one thing in common: sugar (even many flavored lubes). Sugar in the genitals can be problematic because yeast feed on sugar, and lots of sugar equals lots of yeast, and lots of yeast in the genitals equals yeast infection. This can be an issue for both male and female bodies.
For this reason, it's a good idea to go straight for the source. When it comes to genital secretions, you are what you eat. We learn in middle school that our bodies get rid of wastes via the excretory system, which is true - except for the fact that there are lots of other ways our body gets rid of wastes. Know how your sweat sort of smells extra gross when you go to the gym after a night out drinking? Or how a telltale sign of diabetes is sweet-smelling breath? It's because when our bodies have unwanted stuff in them, they employ pretty much any bodily function/fluid to get it out. You guessed it - this includes spunk and sass.
This can work both for us and against us. On the one hand, strongly bitter or spicy foods - broccoli, beer, coffee, garlic, onions, asparagus - can give genital secretions a more intense taste. Red meat can also be an offender, since protein equals nitrogen equals bodily excretion of ammonia (oven cleaner... mmm, yeah). Dairy too can be problematic, but at some point, really, we have to decide which is more important - the way cheese tastes or the way skeet tastes.
On the plus side, naturally sweet or mild foods with a high water content - pineapple, watermelon, cucumber, grapes, carrots - can make our genital secretions lighter and less concentrated (and perhaps more voluminous, since we'll be well-hydrated). And some mellower spices or herbs, like cinnamon, parsley, ginger, or nutmeg, might provide a step in a direction you or your partner prefers, too.
We can experiment with our diets, which may result in changes our partners find preferable, but alas, there isn't a magical recipe for gourmet semen. However, it's important to remember that while we're all a little different and we all have different, uh, tastes, our/our partners' sexual juices are not inherently bad for us. Semen is made of water, a little protein, a little sugar, and sperm itself (and contains fewer calories than you burn during half an hour of sex, so quit worrying about it). Vaginal secretions are pretty much the same - water, a little protein, some inorganic salts, and a few fatty acids (handy for lubrication purposes). Further, these juices are not vastly different from the other fluids our body produces, so they do not taste especially different, either. If our bodily fluids have strongly foul taste and/or smell, this may be a symptom of a sexually transmitted infection, and we as students can get free screenings through UHS.
So there you have it. The Dirty Bird, helping to answer your most pressing, burning, throbbing questions right before the weekend. Questions, comments? E-mail me.
