INTRO TO SPENCEROLOGY PROFESSOR: Ashley Spencer OFFICE: Plaza CLASS: F 9:30pm
Teaching Assistants
Jon Leur: My protégé, and by protégé, I mean I'm trying to see him in a compromised position. Contact: baller@wisc.edu
Travis Beckum: Try to track down videos of him on Facebook singing Irreplaceable."" Fucking priceless. Contact: soulfulsinger@wisc.edu
Course Description:
Welcome! This course is designed to familiarize you with the subject of Spencerology, a philosophy that sprang from one extremely spiritual woman: Ashley Spencer. Spencerology is no different from other classes during this term, as I will assign countless readings that you won't look over until the night before the exams, while sweating out the Red Bull you're chugging, and begging your roommate with ADD to give you some pills in exchange for sexual favors. I expect about a third of the class to not attend lecture, as I will just read off the PowerPoint slides in lecture anyway while I scratch my dandruffy hair. I will then, like the stupid ass that I am, post them on Learn@UW. The exams will be take-home, so be sure you're taking this class with your roommates. All people with no friends have a huge disadvantage, as they will have nobody to bounce ideas off of, and by bounce ideas off of, I mean copy.
Course Goals:
1) Develop an understanding of just how wonderful Ashley Spencer looks when she copies Beyonce's ""Single Ladies"" Dance.
2) Understand Professor Spencer's environment (unlike her fingernails, her living area is NOT dirty!).
3) Aid in your understanding of social scientific research, meaning get drunk and say things like ""I can see up your girlfriend's unusually hairy nostrils"" to your male friends.
Required Text:
Ian's menu, Street Pulse (pick up from the homeless guy outside Walgreens on State Street).
Readings:
Tentative reading assignments are listed below. However, due to length of discussions and other factors beyond my control, such as how retarded I get on random Bacon Tuesday night, this schedule may change. Students are NOT expected to complete all readings PRIOR TO class or be able to discuss, unless they are actually taking their academics seriously. If this is the case, these students should probably take a math class or some shit.
Exams:
There will be three exams. The first two exams will cover the contents of both the lectures and the readings, meaning you should just do the sudoku in class, read my column and then zone out. Exams will be long-answer, giving you plenty of time to write exactly what I'm looking for after conducting a thorough Wikipedia search and photocopying the notes from one naive freshman who actually paid attention. The third and final exam will be conducted outside of class in an undisclosed bathtub. This exam will not be graded traditionally. Those students with the most solid, strong hands will likely outscore even those who answer correctly.
Class Participation:
We will occasionally include participation exercises during course time. These may include group activities, such as debate/discussion, freeze dance, lunch, face painting, pop quizzes, naps and, of course, tantric yoga.
Final Grade:
Your grade for the class will be calculated as follows:
Looks: 420 points
Creative Facial Hair: 50 points
Test(es) AHAH: 5 points
FINAL mystery exam: 8 points
Classroom Conduct:
You are expected to wear sweatpants and interact in an appropriate manner with the instructor and other students, meaning removing these garments at the appropriate times. Talking during class is rude and will not be tolerated, unless it's a compliment about my method of teaching. Laptops are permitted as to ensure you're keeping up with your Perez Hilton.
If you need a Web copy of the syllabus, visit pornhub.com or e-mail me at aaspencer@wisc.edu.
