This morning, as I ate my Fruit Loops, I had an epiphany. What am I doing with my life?"" I thought.
""I've been eating Fruit Loops with strawberry milk out of teacups for days because I am too lazy to get groceries or do dishes.""
""And why am I so lazy?"" I asked myself. ""Because school has stressed you out to the point of madness, which you are proving even further as you talk to yourself now.""
At this point I snapped out of my soliloquy and realized I was in desperate need of a change in my life. It was time to drop out and become a hippie.
Although I call this breakthrough an epiphany, that may not necessarily be true. See, every semester around finals time I get these ""epiphanies"" in which
I discover the true meaning of my life. Last semester I was destined to drop out, become a successful dog-sled racer and win the Iditarod. The semester before that, I planned to leave the streets of Madison for the beaches of Jamaica, where I would start a Rastafarian-Rockabilly show band. And my first semester at UW, well, those were dark times. I planned to leave school to become a groupie for James Blunt. I'd prefer not to talk about
that one...
But now I've really found the calling that will take me far from school. Man, I'll totally find an old VW van, deck it out with some shag carpeting and make it my home. I'll, like, dance about non-sensically all day, totally in tune with my inner beat and the song of mother earth, man. And man, I'll, like, wander into a field and chill, listening to Woodstock-era music and create artwork that no one understands but clearly is a representation of my soul, man. It will be totally groovy.
See what I just did there? I let out my inner hippie. I can walk the walk and talk the talk. I would be perfect as a peace-loving hobo who travels the country spreading joy, love and possibly lice with my ""natural lifestyle.""
And I've got all the basics. Long, flowing hair and an aversion to taking care of it? Check. Laid-back attitude? Check. Severe dependency on mind-altering drugs to make it through the day? Um, not so much, but maybe that will come with time.
As I begin my life of dissent from the government and oneness with nature, I have some big changes to make. I bartered away many of my worldly possessions for a tent which I plan to set up at U-Bay fields - I can only acquire a van at the advanced stages of hippiedom. I also invested in a Lisa Frank bead kit, so I can fashion jewelry to make a living.
At some point I will have to learn how to play guitar, but I will most likely just find some cute beatnik to come hang with me and steal the quarters people throw in his guitar case.
My parents say this is all just a phase, just like my ""I'm going to be the first ballerina-superhero-water-polo-champion on the moon"" phase. But I am serious. Who really needs a job, sanitary living conditions or family when you've got a tambourine and a sweet wardrobe of everything organic, tie-dye and baggy? Becoming a hippie is not something that can be taken as lightly as an astronaut who fights crime in a tutu while playing water polo.
Being a hippie is a lifetime commitment, or at least a commitment I will be making for the next three to five weeks.
So, as finals draw near, I am totally mellow, man. You can find me napping on Bascom, tie-dyeing kittens for peace and harvesting patchouli to cover my hippie-licious body odor. I hope that all of you, as you are struggling with finals and becoming adults, find the peace of mind that I have. If you don't, you can always come tour the country in a VW van with me.
If you are interested in starting a hippie commune with Megan, e-mail her at mcorbett2@wisc.edu.
