The years haven't been kind to the G.I. Joe"" team. Since their cartoon was canceled in 1987, ""Joe's"" team members have gone different ways and found hobbies outside of hunting operatives of G.I. Joe's nemesis organization, COBRA. Hardest hit was Snake Eyes, G.I. Joe's mute ninja master.
However, on the set of the ""G.I. Joe"" live-action movie (due out next year), the team's first outing in twenty years, The Boron Identity got the normally tight-lipped commando to tell us his story of having it all, losing it and getting it back again.
Brad Boron: Snake Eyes, thanks for taking the time to sit down with me. Let's get down to business. The '80s were very kind to you.
Snake Eyes: My, you don't mess around. Yes, they were great. I'll be the first to admit that a lot of those times are pretty clouded in here (points to head). Yeah, I'd fight evil ninjas all day and party all night. I remember this one time... [Editor's note: this section has been omitted due to explicit and, frankly, unsettling content].
BB: Uh... that's great, but what can you tell us about yourself before you hit it big?
SE: Not much. It's all pretty classified. Super-duper secret.
BB: How did you land your role in ""G.I. Joe"" originally?
SE: Well, I was living with three roommates at the time - we were all struggling actors waiting for our big break - and my roommate, Jeff, told me about this cartoon he was auditioning for. I never thought about voice acting before, but I went. The rest is history.
BB: But you never spoke in the cartoon.
SE: Yup, a flawless performance.
BB: Okay... what do you remember most about your work on the show?
SE: It's the only acting work where you can drink on the set and not get fired... except making a beer commercial. They do actually drink the beer, right?
BB: I don't know. But the good times couldn't last forever. The T.V. show ended, and you only had a cameo in the animated ""G.I. Joe: The Movie.""
SE: Well, Commander Hawk and I had a bit of a feud back then, and he said it was either me or him. The studio had so much marketing featuring Hawk, I guess the writing was on the wall, but I was so angry and high in those days...
BB: And then it was over. What did you do?
SE: Well, I did whatever any actor does; I moved on. I spent three years playing Rum Tum Tugger in the Canadian touring company of ""Cats."" I did commercials, and I returned to my first love: watercolor painting. By then, I was clean, but I became so addicted to Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia Ice Cream, every dollar I got was going toward that habit. I had a chunky monkey on my back.
BB: And when you lost everything, you were finally humble enough to reach out to those you had shut out of your life, namely your blood-brother, Storm Shadow.
SE: Yeah. It's funny. Even after all those years he spent fighting for COBRA and I spent fighting for Joe, I called him up one day and it was like we had never drifted apart. And we couldn't wait to get back to working together on this new project.
BB: What persuaded you to come back for this movie all these years later?
SE: I spent most of my acting career making... um ...adult movies. But my wife said to me that I should do a movie that I'd be proud for my kids to watch. I mean, I was in ""Daddy Day Care,"" but who wants their kids watching that crap?
BB: True 'dat.
Brad would not like to be sued by any Snake Eyes' trademark holders for falsifying this interview, however, if you must serve him with a suit, he can be reached at Boron@wisc.edu.
