Now don't get me wrong - as an environmental studies grad student, I fully embrace blasting as much greenhouse gas into the atmosphere as possible. It is vital to limitless economic growth and the right to have whatever we damn well please. Then, once society collapses (because, you know, limitless production requires limitless resources), I'll be rolling in enough money to buy my dream Hummer. I hope it rides over baby trees and endangered owls as smoothly as in my dreams.
My nest egg seems to be in the bag. It's taken a few generations, but at long last we have made everyone's favorite environmental disaster big and sexy enough to win an Academy Award, Nobel Peace Prize and $100 billion in worldwide weather damage. Since when has America ever been so captivated by something so slow?
Yes, it is time for your daily dose of climate change, the media darling planting its ponderous polar bears on every front page. Today's flash update: the long elusive Northwest Passage melts over Canada while other countries scramble to claim rights, potato yield is up in Greenland and the Arctic sea ice broke its personal record for Most Melty. Let's give it a round of applause.
The sociologists must have their bets down for when we'll leave the \alarmed discovery and euphoric enthusiasm"" stage of this issue attention cycle - the boom and bust phenomena of news infatuation first described by economist Anthony Downs. The starry-eyed savior mode is invariably followed by, ""Crap, this costs too much to fix,"" and gradually losing interest to something that seems more manageable, like dinner.
But what if that attention then shifts to water quality? Spurred, say, by California and Mexico declaring war on Arizona and Utah. Or collapsing fisheries once pollack hits $10 per pound? Or transportation strategies when the oil bubble finally busts?
Most of you, like me, got shafted into the boring title Generation Y, apparently because we are scarcely distinguishable from Gen X. After 911, our esteemed U.S. president might like us to think ourselves as the Terrorized Generation. But, my fellow academics, we've got the chance to surpass even the Greatest Generation that made war, babies and bombs better than any other - as the Conservation Generation. Global warming is our World War II.
The worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil killed nearly 3,000 souls and caused $27.2 billion in damages. Extreme weather events between 2002 and 2006 - in a climate where man has taken over the steering wheel from God - killed more than 3,300, including 2,470 deaths from heat (1,513 in 2006 alone) and more than $271 trillion in property and crop damages, according to the National Weather Service.
Bombs are obviously better at making the news, but glitzy awards are almost as good and a lot more comfortable. I vote we give wind turbines a Grammy and the Best Tomato award to a farmer in Alaska.
In the meantime, campus offers plenty of chances to broaden your mind on the coming challenges of our generation. At the sacrifice of my hummer, prepare for future conservation science squabbles right here on the science page.
Deborah Seiler didn't mean it about the owls - she actually has it in for ducks. Question, comment and berate her at dseiler@wisc.edu
