Batman has the Joker, Superman has Lex Luther and I have Mr. X. I know it's kind of a lousy name for an arch nemesis, but as far as I'm concerned, he is so evil he doesn't deserve anything better.
But, I'm jumping ahead of myself. While it's safe for you to assume that Mr. X is the bane of my existence, I should explain how I came to have a mortal enemy in the first place.
It all started my freshman year at convocation. I sat down next to a perfect stranger and the first words out of his mouth were, You're not hot enough to sit by me.""
This guy was no looker himself, so I thought maybe I had misheard. ""What?"" I asked.
""You heard me. You're not hot enough to sit by me. Move.""
And so it began.
While this may have been rude, it wasn't horrible enough to deem him my arch nemesis. Sadly, this chance occurrence turned into a long chain of frustration, anger and downright disgust.
I found out shortly after that Mr. X lived in my dorm though thankfully not in my wing. However, he appeared in my house at all hours of the day and night, and was quite fond of playing a certain musical instrument whenever possible, though he was no Louis Armstrong. I have a theory that his sheet music was really just a drawing of himself that he liked to stare at while attempting to make the loudest, most obnoxious sound possible explode from his instrument.
It wasn't just his musical faults that reinforced my hatred for Mr. X. Mr. X is an avid sports fan and will challenge you to any sport you choose. His favorite is hockey. He spent hours shooting goals (with no goalie) on Lake Mendota and screaming like hell when he finally made one. I spent similar hours praying he would fall through the ice.
Then there are those millions of small things that just drive me mad. Although he still doesn't know my name - he seems to think it's Amy - he will sit down and talk to my friends and me about his awesome parties, his ""bros"" and how genuinely amazing he is. Usually, we slowly sneak away or turn up the volume on the TV so no one can hear him.
While these activities have caused great irritation, he has just recently started taking an active role as villain. For one of my classes, the professor wanted us to purchase a book from a private bookstore. I went to buy the book only to find it had sold out.
The professor addressed this in lecture the next day, and who do I see holding a copy in front of me but Mr. X. He and his friend laughed, and I overheard him say, ""Yeah dude, it was the last copy."" Then he turned to me and said, ""Oh, hey Amy.""
In my mind, I fell to my knees screaming ""NO!"" as over-dramatically as possible.
In reality, I stared at him with an awestruck look on my face. I was tempted to challenge him to a duel right then and there, but I didn't have a glove on me.
Now that Mr. X has taken the offensive, I'm plotting new ways to fight back. Calling him ugly or putting his poor instrument out of its misery seems too easy. Right now I am waiting until winter to strike. It's going to be difficult to play hockey if someone keeps putting holes in the ice.
If you would like to discuss your arch nemesis with Megan, or know where she could find a large boulder, e-mail her at mcorbett2@wisc.edu._
