I'm not one of those people who likes Valentine's Day. I guess I don't hate it either, but I definitely believe in the theory that it's a lose-lose situation if you are a guy.
Either you don't have a date and you spend the night drinking, crying and playing Guitar Hero like my buddy's roommate after the Bears lost the Super Bowl, or you have a date, spend $50, don't get any and end up drinking, crying and playing Guitar Hero—only a few hours later.
I get to avoid the whole holiday in general and go to Minneapolis tonight, but I most likely will be crying too after being forced to watch the Gophers play basketball again.
You might like Valentine's Day, however, and it seems like there are enough sports figures out there who get into the holiday. Here are some of the Valentine's Day cards that have come across the wires over the last few days:
Dear T.O.,
Now that I have retired again, I really feel like we could get along. I never told anyone about this, but I stepped down for you. You are my idol and it never would have worked out if we were a part of the same organization. Please, Terrell, be my Valentine.
Love, Bill Parcells
To Bruce Weber,
Can we please get over this? You can have Eric Gordon if you want him. Wait, actually you can't. He pretty much dominated the Jordan brothers two weeks ago, but if it's any consolation he is just going to leave me after one season. Our friendship could last a lifetime.
Be Mine, Kelvin Sampson
Dear Josh Heytvelt,
So things got a little out of hand last week—no biggie. I got some more psychedelic mushrooms for you though because it doesn't look like you'll be playing basketball for a while. You're kind of an ignorant college athlete so I figure you will be down for some more. How does a Valentine's Day date sound? Maybe we could trip on some acid too and laugh about how Gonzaga isn't going to make the tournament now.
Call me,
Josh Heytvelt's drug dealer.
Marty Schottenheimer,
I'm sorry I had to break up with you earlier this week. You know it wasn't working. I didn't mean for my large ego to get in the way of our already abysmal relationship and I'm starting to miss you already. Don't be angry.
Love me or hate me,
A.J. Smith.
Yo Barry,
Thanks for that sweet raise last week. Want to get a special Valentine's Day meal? Oh yeah, you aren't Madison's most eligible bachelor like myself. Maybe I'll call up Erin Andrews. I'm hoping I can go 1-0 with her.
I'm not even sure what that means,
Bret Bielema
My dearest Peyton Manning,
Can you teach me how to be a real quarterback? Sorry this is written on heart shaped paper but I've spent the last week writing 3 million Valentines to Chicagoans in hopes of forgiveness.
Rex Grossman
Grateful Red,
Sorry about ignoring the No. 3 Badgers all season. They just play too much defense and don't turn the ball over enough like all the other teams we give too much coverage to all season. As a Valentine's Day gift we were going to put the Wisconsin-Minnesota game on national television, but tonight's Ohio State-Penn State game is just too intriguing to ignore!
Be sure to check out NASCAR soon,
ESPN.
Send your Valentines to Adam at hoge@dailycardinal.com.
