When you sit down to watch a college basketball game on ESPN, you can often predict what the commentators will say long before tip-off.
When a game is between two Big Ten teams, it's a guarantee that sometime during the telecast a broadcaster will say, ""That's just physical Big Ten basketball.""
If veteran play-by-play man and over-dramatization specialist Brent Musburger has the call, he will undoubtedly find a Cinderella story to discuss. A UW game did not pass last season without Musburger mentioning how ""Tanner Bronson, the scrappy, young Badger who walked onto Bo Ryan's squad, has fought and clawed his way into earning a scholarship.""
Musburger's partner, former UCLA head coach Steve Lavin, meanwhile, has a habit of nicknaming players after animals. He dubbed Brian Butch ""the polar bear"" and also called Joe Krabbenhoft ""the jackrabbit."" Of course, most viewers were lost when Lavin referenced the black-tufted marmoset when describing UW center Jason Chappell's rebounding skills.
While Rick Majerus will be remembered as one of the great college basketball coaches of his era, he is still adjusting to life behind the microphone. The ESPN commentator provides unique insights on offensive and defensive alignments, but also enters phases where he either states the obvious or harps on how a team needs to ""establish a presence in the post.""
Aside from Doug Gottlieb, who was born with an inbred hatred for the Badgers and anything remotely associated with the Big Ten Conference, ESPN has a knowledgeable team of studio analysts. And although I might poke fun at Musberger, Lavin and Majerus, I genuinely enjoy watching games they call.
Yet, there is one man on ESPN's team of talking heads who makes me lunge for the mute button faster than Bob Knight reaches for a bottle of Prozac.
This broadcaster's voice can be heard from Durham, N.C., to Westwood, Calif. and all points in between. He speaks his own language. He never shuts up, ever. His name is Dick Vitale... baby.
Yes, when watching a broadcast called by the legendary ""Dicky V"" you get much more than basketball analysis. Vitale will frequently discuss anything and everything from the weather, to football, to which sports celebrities he's inviting to an upcoming party at his Florida home.
In between these enthusiastic tangents, Vitale will intersperse a new breed of the English language, which is currently being documented and critiqued by linguistics professors across the country. Shouts of ""ohhh,"" ""diaper dandy,"" ""unbelievable,"" ""PTP,"" ""it's awesome baby,"" ""scintillatingly sensational,"" ""Dukies"" and ""America are you serious,"" reverberate in the heads of hoops fans everywhere.
Vitale is always optimistic. Every college he visits is one of the ""best campuses in America."" Any player who makes consecutive 3-pointers is automatically labeled one of the ""best long-range shooters in America."" Put him in a gym at San Quentin federal prison and Vitale would probably exclaim that, ""I'm hanging out with some of the best-behaved felons in America.""
Believe it or not, there was a time when Vitale did not shout at television viewers. If you watch a college basketball game from the early or mid-1980s on ESPN Classic, you will find a significantly more reserved Vitale analyzing the game like any former coach would.
Before his days at ESPN, Vitale had success as head coach at the University of Detroit. He led the Titans to an NCAA tournament berth in 1977 and posted a 78-30 record in four seasons.
Vitale also had a less illustrious stint coaching the Detroit Pistons. His 1978-'79 squad finished 30-52. He was fired after only 12 games the next season.
""Dicky V"" began his broadcasting career at ESPN on Dec. 16, 1979, when he provided the color commentary for a game between DePaul and Wisconsin. Unfortunately for Badger fans, the Blue Demons won 84-78.
But the days of Vitale the coach and Vitale the quiet commentator have come and gone. Fans must now endure a barrage of banter, an avalanche of alliteration and a plethora of pointless predictions—ohhh. Ahem, sorry I got a little carried away.
To be fair, Vitale's unbridled enthusiasm has helped make college basketball the popular sport that it is today. He respects the players, loves the fans, has a true passion for broadcasting and should be commended for being a great spokesman of the game. At times, Vitale can be as insightful as any analyst in the business.
Nevertheless, he needs to stop shouting. He needs to stop talking about Duke versus North Carolina during the Kansas-Texas A&M game. He needs to be more of a coach and a critic and less of a Cameron Crazy.
If Vitale could do these things and still retain his zest for the game and his classic spontaneity, well, that would truly be awesome... baby.
