The Badger Baloney is obviously fake news—merely a satirical commentary on life in Madison. Except in the case of public figures, the people are not real.
City of Madison, UW-Madison, and international officials are increasingly concerned with what can only be described as an arms race\ before this weekend's Mifflin Street Block Party. Residents of the famed street, which are mostly college students, determined to out-do their neighbors in the size and scope of their parties, have accelerated their keg purchases to unheard of levels.
Experts are worried that such resurgence in the number of WMDs, or ""weapons of mass drunkenness,"" will destabilize the region, perhaps spreading to other areas of campus.
""Ever since 1991 we have seen a proliferation of ‘kegular' devices,"" said Mifflin Street historian Miles O'Brien, using the popular policy-wonk name for kegs. ""Without international safeguards, Mifflin Street is ripe for kegular conflict."" Mifflin Street experiences a relative period of calm during the years of the ""Cold Beer War,"" but that ended in 1991 when the ""Soviet Bloc,"" a string of houses on the street occupied by students who thought themselves to be communists, moved out leaving a vacuum of partying power.
This vacuum was filled by various strong-armed individuals (SERF power lifters), civil wars (conflict with East Mifflin Street freedom fighters), and ""rogue states"" (non-student renters) up and down Mifflin's multiple blocks. Their status, as such, has meant that international agreements that the Soviets were apart of became invalid. Once where SALT, or Strategic Alcohol Limitation Treaty, held signatories to four kegs per household, now there is no limit in the Mifflin region.
""The greatest threat to stability in this region is the quantity of arms dealers which operate a black market of WMDs,"" O'Brien said. ""Outlets like Party Port, Riley's, and Regent Street Liquor have exacerbated this dangerous situation.""
Even with a large police presence in the region and the near eradication of glass-tipped artillery, record numbers of kegular weapons are expected at this year's block party. Their continued existence and lack of regulation by international monitors have only increase the likelihood of military intervention.
With no WMDs having turned up in Iraq, the Bush Administration has increased its posturing towards other suspected kegular powers in the Mifflin region.
""This entire region is a huge tinderbox,"" O'Brien said. ""The number of WMDs continues to rise and more and more civilians are putting themselves in harm's way. It's a recipe for disaster.""
Despite the volumes of depressing news coming from Mifflin Street there is one bright spot: A recent United Nations Commission on Human Rights reported that ""travelers to the Mifflin Street region will still be able to get their picture taken with the cops... thumbs up optional.""
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