I can't hold it in any longer. Here's why. It was nearly in the 60s Thursday. I grilled out for dinner—brats and dogs. I had a cold beverage or two as well. It's that kind of weather, that kind of behavior, that kind of beverage that just brings out the best in any red-blooded American guy. All these signs point to one simple thing: it's baseball time.
That's right fans, in my estimation, this—not the dead of winter when it takes over 20 minutes to simply de-layer after coming home from your 3:30 Friday class—is the most wonderful time of the year.
This year there's more than ever to love about baseball. First, as always, is the arms race between the perennial pests—the Yankees—and the annual annoyances—the Red Sox. This year the drama has unfolded almost better than I could hope. The Yankees signed the former heart of the Red Sox organization, Johnny Damon, while the Red Sox made hundreds of changes that ultimately left them at the same place they were before, only now with slightly less dignity. (Theo Epstein, you will never cease to amaze me. Keep wearing your gorilla suit.) I hope neither of them make the playoffs.
It could happen, too. Toronto spent a ridiculous amount of cash on a trio of talented but fairly untested players: B.J. Ryan, A.J. Burnett and Troy Glaus. Time will tell if the bill fits.
Barry Bonds will be making a run toward Babe Ruth. Or prison. Bud Selig, commissioner of the MLB, has decided to make an investigation concerning past and present use of steroids in the Big Show. Good work, Bud, I guess five years is about the right amount of time to wait and see if a juiced-up hulking mass of a man was on more than just meat and potatoes when he hit 73 home runs in one season. Great timing.
Here's a fun item to keep watch on this season. The Dodgers have Nomar Garciaparra, Jeff Kent, Bill Mueller and Kenny Lofton and still aren't expected to be any good. In most fantasy leagues, Garciaparra, Kent and Mueller are all slated as first-, second- and third-basemen. That's something you don't see every day. It wasn't long ago when each of these three were in the top three to five players in their respective positions. Now, each are trying to reinvent themselves and prove to people they still have what it takes to cut it at any position.
As a Cubs fan, I have to mention that I've already completed my annual preseason ritual. Every year since 2003 I've waited patiently for the announcement. It came just the other day. Kerry Wood and Mark Prior are slated to start the season on the DL. Again. Upon this announcement I scream, That f---ing figures!\ I then retire to the bathroom where I burn baseball cards of both players and cry myself to sleep. Nightmares of the Bartman ball typically follow.
Here's something for you Brewer fans: They're cool now! According to most analysts, the Brewers don't suck as much as they used to. They're the trendy dark horse pick to win the NL Central, although most see them another year away from the title. I'll admit Bill Hall and J.J. Hardy are pretty cool. And that Fielder kid can hit. I just wonder if he'll balloon to a biscuit shy of 400 pounds and become nearly immobile like his dad.
I may take a page from Mr. Fielder's book and become immobile myself. I plan to glue myself to the couch, flip on as much baseball as I can find, abandon classwork and kick back a few of those previously mentioned beverages. I suggest you do the same.
Connor McKnight is a junior majoring in potato couchery. Want to rub in the Cubs' injury woes? E-mail him at cgmcknight@wisc.edu.
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