Snap, Crackle, Pudas!When it comes to trenchant political and social satire, there is no better current source than South Park,\ which is far and away my favorite television show. Since its humble beginnings 10 years ago, Trey Parker and Matt Stone's crudely animated show has assaulted everything from easy targets (David Caruso, Barbara Streisand) to the fattest of sacred cows (the Catholic faith), encountering controversy and debate with every jest. But last week, Comedy Central finally caved in to outside pressure and refused to air a repeat of one of the show's funniest episodes: a hysterical lampoon of the Church of Scientology, with a special emphasis on mocking Tom Cruise, entitled ""Trapped in the Closet.""This has been quite a week for ""South Park,"" as the backlash over the episode—which originally aired back in November—resulted in the departure of avowed Scientologist Isaac Hayes, who was previously the voice of Chef. Cruise already had the episode banned in the UK, where libel laws are markedly stricter. Even though his anonymous spokespeople denied he exerted his influence to have last Wednesday's repeat pulled, he most likely did. In fact, Cruise supposedly threatened to yank advertisements for ""Mission: Impossible 3"" if the episode aired again, which would have caused substantial problems for Paramount and Comedy Central's parent company Viacom. Now I know that everybody hates Cruise after his couch-jumping escapades and passionately boneheaded comments about postpartum depression (""I know the history of psychiatry, Matt!""), but this is something different entirely. Cruise has now suppressed freedom of speech, albeit legally (corporate prior restraint, as disgusting as it is, is not against the law), and that goes way behind his history of being an incorrigible poor sport. If you support freedom of speech under the First Amendment, you have to be willing to defend and tolerate the rights of others to speak out and criticize, even if their words are aimed squarely at you. This same old problem has come up time and time again, from John Adams to Jerry Falwell, and Cruise's bullying brand of censorship is equally unacceptable. Considering that Hayes picked last week to quit the show, Scientologists must be scared of the impact the episode has and will continue to have. Even though secretive details of the Scientologist mythology have been revealed in various newspapers for a few years, ""Trapped in the Closet"" may actually inform more people than before about their wacky beliefs. In fact, the Scientologist story of evil lord Xenu trapping spiritual Thetans in human bodies provided the most hilarious material for ""Trapped in the Closet"" (Parker and Stone memorably placed a large subtitle, ""This is what Scientologists actually believe"" over the sequence); this scene was perhaps even funnier than each appearance from a gun-toting, commentating R. Kelly.
Now, even though I consider Scientology a nut job New Age fusion of self-help, Buddhism and ""Star Trek,"" I defend anyone's right to practice and preach it. But this religion has a penchant for silencing its critics through intimidation or aggressive litigation (which explains why Parker and Stone used only the names John and Jane Smith for the end credits of ""Trapped in the Closet""). From founder L. Ron Hubbard's statement that opponents of Scientology could be ""tricked, sued, or lied to and destroyed"" to the Church's current practice of forbidding any debate over certain holy tenets.
If you're interested, do some reading on the subject and I guarantee all of you Wogs (a term Hubbard coined for non-Scientologists, or us ""common, ordinary, run-of-the-mill, garden-variety humanoids"") out there will be shocked at just how excessively these people are out of their gourds. The Scientology vs. ""South Park"" controversy may intensify in the following weeks, and some prominent bloggers have even gone so far as to call for boycotts of ""Mission: Impossible 3."" Remember people, that while Cruise might be a complete tool, his movies are generally pretty good and ""Mission: Impossible 3"" looks cool as all hell (if anything, say you're going for Philip Seymour Hoffman). In the meantime, a new season of ""South Park"" is starting up this week, and Parker and Stone show no signs of softening their blows. How do I know this? Take a look at their official statement in response to ""Trapped in the Closet"" being pulled, which I think is even funnier than anything in the episode itself:
""So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu! Signed Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu.""
Pudas is a non-believer desperately in need of someone who will tell him the truth of his Thetan past and of the great threat to his eternal soul. To counsel him, contact him at japudas@wisc.edu.
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