The Badger Baloney is obviously fake news'merely a satirical commentary on life in Madison. Except in the case of public figures, the people are not real.
The trouble-filled Booker Stanley saga took another surprising turn this week as the UW football player escaped police custody, led officers on a high-speed chase through the campus and downtown areas and finally scaled the Capitol Building, swatting at helicopters attempting to shoot at the 214-pound junior backup tailback.
Arrested over winter break for allegedly battering and strangling a 20-year old female, Stanley was involved in an altercation with a number of Madison police officers at his most recent court hearing. According to witnesses, Stanley was arguing with Charles Giesen, his attorney, when officers asked the football player to calm down and exit the courthouse quietly. Stanley became irate, spewing expletives at the officers at which point he grabbed one of their guns and ran from the building.
'Unlike during the football season, Mr. Stanley broke several tackles and escaped to the proverbial 'end-zone,' out of police custody,' said Madison Police Department spokesperson Larry Kamholz. 'He is to be considered armed and dangerous, something we have not seen from him since his freshman year when he ran for 523 yards and five touchdowns.'
Before his escape, Stanley had been charged with second-degree recklessly endangering safety, two counts of battery, false imprisonment, intimidation of a victim and two counts of bail jumping. This does not include charges stemming from last year's Mifflin Street Block Party where the UW tailback racked up battery, disorderly conduct, and resisting an officer in a banner day.
'Mr. Stanley has now led police in high-speed pursuit and to the Wisconsin State Capitol where officers are reporting that he has climbed the exterior of the building and is refusing to come down,' Kamholz informed reporters at a press briefing.
As crowds gathered around the Capitol, Stanley, oddly enough, dressed in his UW football uniform, neared the top of the dome. Police and state National Guard helicopters closed in on Stanley as defensive linemen did during his football playing days.
Director of Athletic Communication Justin Doherty declined to comment specifically on Stanley's latest incident, saying only he is currently suspended, but will remain a member of the football squad.
'We'll wait and see until this whole situation has played out,' Doherty said. 'Booker obviously has some minor legal issues to sort through, but we will withhold judgment until further notice. Of course it is our policy to get our felons, err ... students, err ... athletes back to their sports as soon as possible.'
At press time, Stanley remained atop the Capitol swinging at aerial attacks from the 115th Fighter Wing of the Wisconsin Air National Guard.
New head coach Bret Bielema deflected comments about his continuation of former head coach, and current Athletic Director, Barry Alvarez's discipline policy which has been criticized as an incredibly weak attempt to reign in troubled athletes. Bielema hoped any injuries Booker sustained would heal in time for spring practices.
'With the departure of [star running back Brian] Calhoun to the NFL Draft our offense needs all the help it can get,' Bielema said. 'Even if that means sacrificing our dignity and playing criminals.'
