I've noticed in the past few weeks that my columns have been more how-tos than witty anecdotes. I don't know where I get off providing advice to anyone; I can hardly do my own laundry.
But seeing as Thanksgiving break is approaching, I thought it would be important to provide you with some tips for having a fun and productive holiday weekend.
When you're out and about in your hometowns, you are bound to see people from high school. I'm not talking about your true friends from high school. Those meet-and-greets over Thanksgiving will seem weird at first, but after a few hugs or a few beers it's like you never left 10th grade English.
The people I am talking about are the acquaintances, especially the annoying ones. The people you are friends with on Facebook.com only because you were partners once on your 'Great Gatsby' project. The people who always thought they were great friends with you, when in reality you couldn't stand to be around them.
If someone like this stops you in a store, it is tough to escape. My advice: out-annoy them. Make them want to ditch you. The following topics typically work well: your rendition of Ashlee Simpson's 'Boyfriend,' scabs and scar issues and anything to do with athlete's foot. Annoying kids will put up with a lot, but not too many people feel comfortable discussing itching and burning. They will be out of there before you can say 'ointment.'
The next aspect of Thanksgiving break is catching the early morning sales Friday. You know the one's I'm talking about, where eager people will punch the elderly and infirm to get their hands on a $15 DVD player.
An employee at one of the stores famous for early-bird deals taught me a very important lesson: sleep in. Here's why. Say your favorite store has sale prices until noon on Friday. You come into the store at 11:30, pick up the items you can still find on sale, wait in line and by the time you get to the register, it is 12:15. Do you think the store is going to fault you for browsing and waiting patiently in line? Nope. My stock-boy friend told me registers in most stores will award you sale prices for about two hours after the sale has ended. So challenge the norm, sleep in on Friday, truly enjoy that soothing turkey coma.
Last tip: Have something interesting to say. Inevitably you will spend time catching up with family, friends and neighbors. Typically conversations with these people go like this:
'Oh, home for Thanksgiving, Must be nice to not wear sandals in the shower. What's your major'?
'Biology.'
'Oh?? sounds good. I think I am going to refill my drink.'
Freshmen, you especially will have this conversation approximately 30 times over the course of the break. My advice: spice it up. Adults don't really care what you're doing, and it makes everyone more interested. Let's look at this conversation again.
'Oh home for Thanksgiving, must be nice to not wear sandals in the shower. What's your major'?
'Taking names and kicking ass.'
'Really? Wow, that must be new. Is that a certificate program'?
I hope all of you can apply these simple tips to your Thanksgiving break. Have a great time, get some rest and I'll see you next Monday as we begin the home stretch.
