The UW-Madison Athletic Department abruptly changed course early Sunday morning and decided against the construction of the football-themed obelisk to occupy the empty pedestal outside Camp Randall Stadium. In a shocking turn of events, football head coach and Athletic Director Barry Alvarez has donated himself to be placed upon the pedestal to be honored for eternity.
Alvarez will be dipped in bronze and placed atop the currently empty pedestal at the corner of Regent Street and Breese Terrace.
\For the last 15 years I have served as head coach of an accomplished football program at this incredible university in this amazing city of Madison,"" Alvarez said. ""I've won countless bowls and conference titles, and in return the students and fans of these Badgers have given me the support and love that every coach dreams of.""
""It is with the same love that I have for those fans that I have decided to graciously donate myself to be adorned in bronze in front of Camp Randall forever,"" he added.
According to sources within the Athletic Department, following Saturday's dramatic win over Big Ten rival Minnesota, Alvarez returned to campus and his office inside the stadium with specific instructions to be left alone for the remainder of the evening. Late Saturday night, Alvarez called Associate Athletic Director Doug Beard at his residence to inform him of his bronzing decision.
Officials said that Alvarez will be dipped in bronze at a nearby facility and secured to the pedestal in a public ceremony at the conclusion of the football season.
""This was not an easy decision to make,"" Alvarez said. ""It is not everyday that someone decides to be lowered into hot liquid bronze, molded and placed atop a concrete pedestal to be exposed to the elements until the end of time.""
Chancellor John Wiley praised Alvarez for his decision, calling it ""the right move for a great coach and wonderful man"" and ""a thing that I wish I had the balls to do.""
""We at the University of Wisconsin are elated that Coach Alvarez has made this decision to permanently display himself in front of the millions of Badger fans that visit this great campus year after year,"" Wiley said in a statement, ""We wish Barry the best.""
Even as Alvarez's decision has been praised by many, several critics have wondered out loud what his motives are in deciding to be sculpted for all to pay homage to.
""This sounds like a pretty narcissistic move to me,"" said UW-Madison junior Kathy Griffin. ""I always thought that football was just a little too serious of a thing here, but now it's borderline weird.""
Even after his decision had been made, Alvarez said he is still bothered by several thoughts in his head.
""I think about what my wife will do without me and kind of feel sad that I won't be able to keep up with how the football and other athletic teams are doing here at Wisconsin. But mostly, I'm troubled with one burning question...""
Alvarez then paused for a second. ""What pose should I strike up there?""
