Last week I wrote my column analyzing the Green Bay Packers' draft choices and implied that I was closer to the organization than I really was when I selected the words \we"" and ""us"" to describe our relationship. (i.e. We would have been better off selecting Ron Wolf in the second round, etc.)
Thankfully, a knowledgeable reader from a prestigious university located in Platteville brought it to my attention that I was not on the Packers' roster, thus my choice of words was incorrect.
I took some time to reflect on his criticism and came to realize. In the past, when friends of mine have given a less-than-intelligent comment regarding a sports team, such as, ""Dude, we need to give Brian Butch one more year to develop,"" or ""Anthony Davis is going to show us his potential in the NFL,"" I realized that I have called people out in the same situation.
But in response to the Platteville critic, I was in fact justified in saying what I did and I have the right to refer to the Packers, Brewers and Bucks, and all UW sports as my own.
Since this topic is still in its early stages, I have elected to put it on my shoulders and lay out the fundamental ground rules.
1) Place of birth
I was born and grew up in the Milwaukee area, so I am given rights to all professional Wisconsin teams, Brewers, Packers, Bucks, etc. Simple as that.
2(a) In-state college choices
On the collegiate level, it gets a little tricky.
In high school, I obviously had the right to the school I attended, Franklin High. At the same time, I also had the rights to college schools such as Marquette, UW-Milwaukee and UW-Madison.
Consequently, when I arrived on this campus my rights to the Warriors and Panthers were taken away. The only affiliation I now have on the collegiate level is UW. Even when the Warriors made it to the Final Four, I was forced to refer to them as ""they"" not ""we."" Dwayne Wade and I were not acquaintances, and I will never refer to his triple-double against Kentucky in the 2003 NCAA tournament as something we both experienced.
2(b) Out-of-state college choices
This situation provides more leverage.
Let's say I was recruited to play football at the University of Miami. If I would have followed through on their scholarship offer, I would still maintain the rights to all Wisconsin collegiate sports, just as I did in high school. At the same time, I would be able to call the Hurricanes ""we"" as well because I attended that university. It is a catch-22 situation, but makes sense.
However, (cue Steven A. Smith) if I made the move to Florida for college, I do not acquire the rights to the Marlins, Dolphins or any other professional team just because I live in that area.
A move to Miami would only allow me to retain the rights of college teams and provide me with the lone addition of the Hurricanes.
3) Alumni get a lifelong pass
As long as you can produce a valid degree from your alma mater, you can forever refer to their teams as ""yours."" At the same time, you must realize that this works much like a husband/wife does in that you are married to that particular college for the rest of your life, with no option for divorce.
4) No acquisitions
We all know the people that try this. Their favorite pro teams are the New England Patriots, Detroit Pistons and Boston Red Sox, and their preference seems to change with each passing year. It's fine to be a bandwagon fan, but please don't embarrass yourself further by associating yourself with them.
5) Wildcards
Let's say you were born in Illinois but grew up primarily in Wisconsin. You have been a Pittsburgh Steelers fan for as long as you can remember and your house it littered with their memorabilia, yet you have no connection to the state of Pennsylvania at all. You despise the Packers and insist on calling the Steelers your own. Does a middle ground exist for you?
I'm sorry, but the answer is no.
You will never retain the rights to the Steelers no matter how much effort you put into it. I'll give you the right to the Chicago Bulls and Cubs, but your cross-town love is not enough.
I acknowledge that this doctrine is still in its early stages and that there are many people that I have left out (transfer students, illegal immigrants, Los Angeles Clipper fans, etc.), but with due time this should all work itself out.
I hope that I have proven why I boast about the rights to the teams I have talked about. As a legitimate sports fan that has been through the good and bad times in Wisconsin sports, I am more than qualified to do so.
Here's a quick run-through if you have chosen to only read the introduction and conclusion of this column.
The Packers: we. UW-football: us. UW women's hoops? Well, they. For now.
Jon is junior majoring in English and journalism. If you are a female basketball player and want to kick his ass, e-mail him at jrmcnamara@wisc.edu.
