In case you haven't picked up on it over the past year, I watch an excess of television. I always have, and I don't see the level declining in the near or distant future.
Through my course of television study, I have learned many things. For instance, never go into elevators or small rooms with people you don't like, because you will be trapped. Never go camping near quicksand and stay away from caffeine pills. But the most important thing I've learned thus far is the importance of the season finale. When watching a show, the season finale is what keeps you wondering all summer long. It's the \Will they or won't they?"" factor. As I write my last column for the year, I want to leave you with a cliff-hanging moment. But in journalism, I have realized it is more difficult than anticipated.
I considered telling you the woeful tale of picking classes for myself. Will I get to the top of the waitlist? The anticipation would mount all summer long as I spent endless nights by the computer crossing my fingers for open seats. But that cliffhanger no longer exists, seeing as I was already admitted into all of my questionable courses. No such luck there.
Next on my list of potential ""edge of your seat"" stories was my run-in with my not-so-friendly roommate from last year. I saw her on a moped and there was an intense awkward silence when we made eye contact with one another. Will I finally tell her off and make her rue the day she asked me to move out? Will a brutal catfight ensue in the middle of Langdon Street? Not so much. I waited too long to do anything, the pedestrians crossed the street and she putted off.
After making it through a very short list of cliff-hanging topics, I changed directions. I considered other ways to finish the year. I referenced my TV past and realized that the most effective way to end a show is with a bittersweet finale.
I thought of some endings that would be just sappy enough. Here is an OK one that made the cut: It's been great laughing and loving together, folks. I hope you'll be back next year for more great times, bad puns and long sentences. Enjoy your summer. Peace. That was the best one, too. That sappy ending might have worked, but it was only 29 words-521 shy of a column. Damn.
I considered taking a page about endings from air shows and concerts. They end things with fireworks or bursts of confetti. I asked about the logistics of having every paper jimmy-rigged to set off a fireworks display right over your head, but I guess newsprint isn't exactly fire-safe.
Here I am. I'm on the last paragraph and I still don't know how to end this thing, so I am going to end it the only way I know how: letting someone else do it. I'm closing out with some Modest Mouse lyrics that will help you coast right into the warm months ahead: ""The days get longer and the nights smell green. I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave."" I guess I'll catch you guys this fall... or will I?
erincanty8285@hotmail.com.
