There are plenty of reasons to hate the Grammys. Like the Oscars, the Grammys are an overly long, self-congratulatory awards show of little significance, but even the Oscars at least pledge some allegiance to artistic merit and critical acclaim. Grammy nominations, on the other hand, seem to be determined by an equation formulating an artist's attractiveness and multiplying it by his record sales. I assert, however, that any award ceremony so out of it that an inessential Steely Dan comeback record can beat Radiohead's Kid A for the \Album of the Year"" honors can't be all bad. I'll even acknowledge that, from what I've heard, this year's broadcast did a number of things right. Allow me to take the liberty of suggesting how they can expand upon these minor triumphs in the future.
First of all, the Grammys have a history of nominating Elvis Costello whenever he's eligible. I couldn't approve of this tendency more, although in the future I'd like to see him actually win more.
Likewise, the Grammys also deserve credit for using Lou Reed as a presenter. Next year, I hope that they continue this trend of using Velvet Underground alumni and recruit the great John Cale, who could serve as both a presenter and a member of the ceremony's minimalist avant-garde orchestra. Whenever a thank you speech exceeds the allotted time limit (say, 25 seconds), Cale will wail away on his electric viola until the winner gracefully exits the stage.
I must also give the show credit for this year's tribute to the late Joe Strummer, featuring Costello and Bruce Springsteen. Hopefully, next year's ceremony will again feature a Costello-fronted tribute, perhaps to Johnny Cash, or maybe even a long overdue tribute to Costello himself.
Next year's show should also include the definitive Michael Jackson comeback performance.
Having the Roots serve as Eminem's backing band this year was a winning move, although it probably wasn't enough to undo the damage to the hip-hop community that three hours of nonstop Ja Rule coverage created. Hopefully, the Roots will return next year backing another musician, preferably, well, Elvis Costello. Together, they could play a medley consisting of ""Pump it Up,"" ""Radio, Radio,"" the entire My Aim Is True album, and, if there's time, ""Oliver's Army.""
And while we're at it, the ceremony would be considerably less pretentious if they would strictly enforce my proposed ""No Bono"" policy at all times. While these changes wouldn't fix the fundamental, institutional flaw that plagues the Grammys (the inability to include any artists other than the same eight who already dominate commercial radio), they would at least go a long way toward making their future broadcasts watchable. Here's to Elvis Costello hosting next year.
evanryt@yahoo.com.
