Thousands of tortured souls somberly trudge through the arctic terrain, adjusting the hoods of their North Face jackets in a futile attempt to keep the brutal elements at bay.
Did we really think we could make it through the winter months without vicious frostiness showing us its ugly visage? Now Old Man Winter is back with a vengeance, here to kick us in the collective toolbox for ignoring his power. He knows we spent the unseasonably warm days we were generously allotted cowering in our apartments watching \Elimidate,"" and now we must pay the price.
For most students, the plummeting thermometer adds an additional nuisance to survival in the pedestrian-dominated city of Madison. Aside from the popular option of never attending class and relying on Gumby's faithful delivery personnel for nourishment, there is often no choice but to get around town on foot.
Certainly, there are many benefits to Madison's walking lifestyle. Most notably, there seems to be an enhanced level of safety for local pedestrians as opposed to those in other cities.
The superior safety of walking in Madison is extremely apparent after growing up in the D.C. area, where highway protocol involves giving a polite honk to warn pedestrians about the presence of your Honda Passport right before flattening them at speeds rapid enough to give Jeff Gordon a seizure.
My heart still skips a beat when I see people saunter nonchalantly across University Ave. with complete disregard for the skull-crushing capacity of oncoming traffic. Walking through Madison can be an incredibly liberating experience, allowing pedestrians to set their own rules without succumbing to the tyrannical commands of the red hand.
The fact that Madison is so accessible to pedestrians and the tolerable condition of the public transportation system also positively affect safety by keeping the city's legion of drunks out of the driver's seat. If there is any way to keep the guy I recently saw outside of Bullfeathers, who enlightened onlookers with an incoherent parody of ""Billie Jean"" before vomiting on his own shoes, from getting behind the wheel, I'm all for it.
In theory, the city's reliance on walking also has positive environmental implications. Luckily, to avoid the frightening consequences of breathable air, the university's power plant makes up for the deficiency in pollution from car emissions by spewing out a daily dose of acrid smoke.
Unfortunately, all the positive results of the predominance of walking can't change one simple fact: When the weather is cold and you have the same energy level as Strom Thurmond on morphine, having to walk around just plain sucks.
Aside from disrupting patterns of laziness, there are definite drawbacks to life without a car. For one, it is often difficult to make it to the grocery store. Although I am usually quite innovative with the limited resources in my fridge, I have yet to find a recipe that calls for only a wedge of crusty Kraft cheddar and half a can of Miller Lite.
As much as I would like to, it is unlikely that I will be able to afford the cost of keeping a car in Madison any time in the near future. I would have to spend several weeks knocking off liquor stores just to meet the expense of parking alone. Until then, the hike will continue. Just try not to run me over when I'm making a statement of rebellion to the blinking hand.
